ginandtacos.com - shut up and drink the gin

YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK FLORIDA. RIGHT IN THE ASS.

Who needs'em.

The whole state is nothing but America's prostate gland - something that no one pays attention to until it starts acting up. At this point, discussions about the election should move forward with the given assumption that Florida will be swindled away by the Republicans. Again. So be it.

Of eight polls taken in Ohio in the last 10 days, six of them show Kerry with a lead outside of the margin of error. In Pennsylvania, Kerry remains in the margin of error but has led a succession of polls over the last 2 weeks. Taking that into account, here's an electoral college map giving Bush every conceivable benefit of the doubt in other swing states, including Florida, but assuming that the Ohio polls are right and Kerry wins.

Humans 272, Fascists 266

Look at the number of swing states being conceded to Bush in this scenario: Iowa, New Mexico, Nevada, West Virginia, and even big-ass Florida. Bear in mind that Gore won NM and Iowa. And the only assumptions being made in Kerry's favor are that he:

A) Has the lead in Ohio that polls indicate he does
B) Will win New Hampshire, a progressive state that Bush was shocked to win in 2000

Pretty reasonable assumptions, right? If anything, it's being overly generous to Bush. Kerry still appears to have a slight advantage in Iowa and the race in Florida is an absolute statistical tie.

So suck it, Florida. You devolved, homonculous retards can vote however the fuck you want and do whatever you feel like with the ballots afterwards. Vote on an Etch-a-Sketch for all I care. Toss ballots into the ocean. Disenfranchise every black voter in the state. It doesn't matter. Kerry's decisive momentum swing in Ohio - a state I gave up for dead a month ago - has rendered Florida irrelevant even under scenarios extremely favorable to Bush in other swing states.

In other words, I'm going on record and saying that we will in fact know who the President is when we wake up on Wednesday. As hard as Brother Jeb and the other little demon spawn in Florida will try to turn the election into another 3 month long legal battle, it's not going to matter. That state of mulleted, drooling, Skynyrd-loving mongoloids can entertain itself in court for as long as it likes. So long as the good people of Ohio exercise an iota of critical thinking skills - and polling now indicates that they will - America's wang will remain irrelevant. Just like it should.

Residency is the new Hanging Chad.

So I'm hearing from Republican friends (yes I have a few) that the major strategy on the right this year is going to be getting a large number of pollwatchers to go to polling places and just challenge the residency of every identifiable hispanic or african-american they can find. The challenge may or may not be effective, but it will slow voting to a halt in democratic areas, and may cause people to just go home rather than waiting the additional hours.

Not sure whether or not to believe gossip, a quick google search for residency laws is already showing a headache in the making. Random link from Maine:

Two years ago, however, Republicans challenged nearly every voter at the polling place on the University of Maine's Orono campus, creating long, slow-moving lines, according to people who were there.

Orono Republicans say they were just making sure that residency laws were enforced. Democrats charge that it was a deliberate tactic designed to discourage voters.

For people working the polls, it was a headache. "I don't know if it was a delaying tactic, but it definitely held things up," Orono Town Clerk Wanda Thomas said. "They were challenging just about everyone."

Now just replace 'student' with 'hispanic' or 'african-american' and we have a surefire way to create a hostile voting atmosphere. Democracy is on the march!

Like explosives...but more scary.

Wow, I love how when Iraqi's cultural legacy was looted nobody really was concerned. Now that we are realizing the looting had more military implications, people are coming out of the woodworks. Heads up for this editorial by Former ambassador Peter W. Galbraith:

On April 16, 2003, a mob attacked and looted the Iraqi equivalent of the Centers for Disease Control, taking live HIV and black fever virus among other potentially lethal materials. US troops were stationed across the street but did not intervene because they didn't know the building was important.

When he found out, the young American lieutenant was devastated. He shook his head and said, "I hope I am not responsible for Armageddon." About the same time, looters entered the warehouses at Iraq's sprawling nuclear facilities at Tuwaitha on Baghdad's outskirts. They took barrels of yellowcake (raw uranium), apparently dumping the uranium and using the barrels to hold water. US troops were at Tuwaitha but did not interfere.

I supported President Bush's decision to overthrow Saddam Hussein...In spite of the chaos that followed the war, I am sure that Iraq is better off without Saddam Hussein...It is my own country that is worse off...Someone out there has nuclear bomb-making equipment, and they may not be well disposed toward the United States. Much of this could have been avoided with a competent postwar strategy.

Ouch. I still also feel that this is a result of our military being too effective during the war.

Early 90s nostalgia begins now.

People often talk about the violence and inhumanity of the Grand Theft Auto videogame series, which is valid, but they are missing what is probably one of the most inventive features of the game - driving around listening to the radio. The fake DJs and bad commericals that gave GTAIII a really humorous twist turned into the Vice City 1980s radio stations that set the game firmly in the time period more than the fashion or setting ever did (doing drive by shootings while Blondie played was an entertaining way to spend an evening).

So along comes the new GTA game, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, which is set sometime in the early 1990s. God bless Rockstar games, for they truly know where their ages 23-28 audience inside out. If you were discovering music between 1992-94, as I was, then you can spend this game driving around flipping the radio stations and time-lapse.

Pitchfork reviewed Zack de la Rocha's new single and refered to it being "1996alicious." I have that feeling going on; this music couldn't possibly be more set in 1992-94 (presumably Ms. Love wouldn't give them the Nirvana rights for a song license - so they are missing).

The DJs they have found are fun choices as well (Axel Rose is the DJ of a classic rock Petty/CCR station). Here is a sampling of the radio track listings (full list here):

Radio X: The Alternative
1. Helmet “Unsung”
2. Depeche Mode “Personal Jesus”
4. Danzig “Mother”
8. L7 “Pretend We’re Dead”
10. Soundgarden “Rusty Cage”
11. Rage Against the Machine “Killing in the Name”
12. Jane’s Addiction “Been Caught Stealing”
14. Alice in Chains “Them Bones”
15. Stone Temple Pilots “Plush”

CSR 103.2
DJ: Philip “PM” Michaels, voiced by Michael Bivins (the "Biv" from BellBivDevoe)
1. SWV “I’m So Into You”
4. En Vogue “My Lovin’ (Never Gonna Get It)”
6. Ralph Tresvant “Sensitivity”
9. Boyz II Men “Motownphilly”
10. Bell Biv Devoe (BBD) “Poison”
12. Wreck-N-Effect “New Jack Swing”

Bounce FM
DJ: “The Funktipus,” voiced by George Clinton
3. Ohio Players “Love Rollercoaster”
4. Rick James “Cold Blooded”
5. Maze “Twilight”
9. Lakeside “Fantastic Voyage”
10. George Clinton “Loopzilla”

Radio Los Santos
2. 2 Pac “I Don’t Give a F***”
4. Dr. Dre “Nuthin’ But a “G” Thang”
5. Dr. Dre “F*** Wit Dre Day”
8. Cypress Hill “How I Could Just Kill a Man”
10. NWA “Alwayz Into Somethin’”
11. NWA “Express Yourself”
12. Ice Cube “It Was a Good Day”
13. Ice Cube “Check Yo Self (The Message Remix)”
14. Eazy-E “Eazy-Er Said Than Dunn”

I have to say, if this is how 1990s nostaglia will proceed I am pretty comfortable with it. If a Boyz II Men song played at your grade school graduation (or worse, a school dance), then you have a moral obligation to seek out this game.

Ways to sit out the insanity.

In the same line as the implication of Erik's and Ed's recent posts, I just can't take this election anymore. This is all insane. Watching Lynne Cheney say that Kerry "is not a good man" while her husband says that voting for Kerry is a vote for a future terrorist attack is really the "it's come to this" moment of the election. And with the slight possibility that the electoral college could tie, I've decided that I'm casting my ballot and going into hiding until it is all over.

Luckily, the mass media is helping me with my election-time exile:

No Really, We are not kidding.

With just a little over a week remaining before we have a go at electing a president, huge quantities of people still think that George Bush is doing a fine job with whatever the hell it is he is doing in Iraq. In fact, 46% at the end of September.

At least the trend is promising....oh no wait, no its not. People are actually beginning to think that things are improving? Perhaps my complete and utter confusion will be somewhat mitigated by more polling data.

From the week Oct. 14-16.

• 47% of people think that it was a mistake to send troops
• 54% think that is wasn't worth going
• 47% think that we were deliberately misled.
• oh.... and just to top things off a bit, 42% of people seem to be under the impression that Sadaam Hussein was personally involved in the September 11th terrorist attacks.

To add some perspective, and I know that these numbers vary a lot depending on your particular poll, the Gallup poll has George Bush leading by a margin of 52% to 44%.

I feel there is no possible way I am reading this correctly. Do you see what I am saying? This actually means that there are people out there that think that it was a mistake to invade Iraq, and who in fact believe that George Bush deliberately misled us, and who aren't voting for Kerry.

Well ginandtacos.com thinks that some people need some reminder that things in Iraq are more fucked than cheap a internet cam whore.

I know we have probably all heard that over the weekend 49 unarmed Iraqi soldiers (you know, the ones we are training to take our place) were executed by insurgents. There is no joke here, this is just sad.

However, another pathetic story that is not being widely covered has shown up in the New York Times today. Yes, I know they are all fucking liberal communist terrorists over there and we ought not trust a word out of their mouths, but who knows. They might be on to something here

" The Iraqi interim government has warned the United States and international nuclear inspectors that nearly 380 tons of powerful conventional explosives - used to demolish buildings, make missile warheads and detonate nuclear weapons - are missing from one of Iraq's most sensitive former military installations."

Just in case you didn't read that correctly, I will type it again, 380 tons of explosives. And yes, apparently somebody just walked off with them- possibly concealing them beneath a trenchcoat or something. How else could they have gotten past the American guards with 380 TONS of explosives?

Oh wait, nevermind, we weren't guarding it. I suppose that it is because we were unaware that it existed until after the weapons were gone. Nope, we have known about this facility since the mid 80's.

How does George Bush feel about this? Who knows? It is apparently unclear whether or not anyone even bothered to tell him.

I guess this doesn't matter to the 46% of people who think that the war is going Very Well/Moderately Well.

Have fun November 2nd!

HOW COULD WE NOT COMMENT ON THIS?

If you're like us, the World Series is about as interesting as tap water to you. But America's flagging national pastime has been reinvigorated by Taco Bell's vow to give away 280,000,000 tacos if a promotional target is hit with a home run ball.

Yes, if this 12'x12' target is hit, every person in the United States will get a free taco. Mind you, it is 144 square feet and placed 420 feet from home plate, so it would take a great but not unfeasible shot to hit it.

Hit one here, boys. These orphans ain't gonna feed themselves.

While it may initially seem like Taco Bell stands to take a financial beating with this promotion (it's reminiscent of the Simpson's episode with the free Krusty Burgers for American Olympic winners after the Soviets boycott the games), fear not. The company has taken out an insurance policy to provide financial compensation in the event that they must give away 280,000,000 tacos.

I don't know about you, but tonight I will sleep well knowing that taco insurance not only exists but is in use.

GINANDTACOS.COM IS FINALLY SPEECHLESS.

I think we can let this one speak for itself aside from briefly mentioning a link to the original story.

Pat Robertson, an ardent Bush supporter, said he had that conversation with the president in Nashville, Tennessee, before the March 2003 invasion. He described Bush in the meeting as "the most self-assured man I've ever met in my life."

Robertson said the president then told him, "Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties."

So apparently he's not a liar, he's just incomprehensibly stupid. Well. I feel better in that case.

A: FEDORAS AND SPEAKING

Q: What are "Two things that make George Bush look stupid," Alex?

Correct, for $500.

While browsing a CNN Story about a deadly mortar attack in Baghdad today, I could not help but stare in shock and awe at this photo:

The Iraqi 1st Heavy Armored Batallion readies its artillery for action

I would like to point out the state of armament of the troops to whom our President claims we are in the process of transferring power. After a double-take, I ascertained that the troops are on patrol in a Ford Expedition with the letters "ING" (Iraqi National Guard) spray-painted by hand on the side. This combat-ready vehicle is armed with what appears to be a hand-me-down, obsolete Soviet-era Kalishnakov AK-74 7.62mm machine gun hastily welded to the top of the SUV. Mind you, it's clip-fed, meaning it has about 4 seconds of firing capacity before it needs reloading.

The soldier in the foreground is brandishing a Chinese knock-off of the WWII-era Soviet RPG, accurate to about 50 yards and downright useless against an enemy on foot.

I may be incorrect, and I will call my local Ford dealership to verify this if necessary, but the Ford Expedition provides about as much protection from ballistics as a raincoat. I'm sure its 1/64" thick sheet metal, which is easily dented by a shopping cart, can withstand rifle fire. Not to mention that it is wheeled, not tracked, and therefore explosives can be rolled underneath it.

Oh, and by the way, it has a lot of windows. Windows don't offer all that much protection. That's why military vehicles that are expected to see combat don't have them.

So, good luck to the Iraqi National Guard. They are clearly ready to assume the duty of defending their nation against an enemy with which even the biggest, best, and most well-equipped army on Earth has its hands full. To paraphrase Reagan's famous civil defense pronouncement, everyone's gonna make it as long as there are enough used Fords to go around.

Somebody finally said it to their faces.

Jon Stewart on Crossfire, telling them how awful Crossfire is (click on 200k, written transcript here). It's really amazing actually.

Say what you will about Jon Stewart and the Daily Show's new higher profile in the campaign across major media networks, but anybody who calls Tucker Carlson a dick ("You're as big a dick on your show as you are on any show") to his face on national TV is ok by me (watch the video, it really happens).

No really, you are a dick.

STEWART: Here's just what I wanted to tell you guys.
CARLSON: Yes.
STEWART: Stop.
STEWART: Stop, stop, stop, stop hurting America...And come work for us, because we, as the people.
CARLSON: How do you pay?
STEWART: The people -- not well.
BEGALA: Better than CNN, I'm sure.
STEWART: But you can sleep at night.
...
STEWART: See, the thing is, we need your help. Right now, you're helping the politicians and the corporations. And we're left out there to mow our lawns...you're not too rough on them. You're part of their strategies. You are partisan, what do you call it, hacks.
...
STEWART: [when asked why he wasn't harder on Kerry in their interview] is that the news organizations look to Comedy Central for their cues on integrity...You're on CNN. The show that leads into me is puppets making crank phone calls.

I still miss old Michael Kinsley squaring off against Pat Buchanan (whose Nixon-era mentality was already anachronistic in 1988). I haven't seen Crossfire since they took a cue from WWF for set design and level of maturity, but seeing that clip makes me think it must be an awful experience to sit through for a half hour each day.

...

Do you ever have a moment where something that is pretty ordinary or routine is made very personal very quickly? I had that intense moment when I was getting coffee and flipped open the Chicago Reader to see a picture of the late Chris Saathoff and to find an article about him and his band.

Chris was a friend of Ed and myself; I did not know him anywhere near as well as I wish I had before he died in Feburary. I still have very happy memories of defining "Saathoff's Constant" (still standing at 3.8) to late night drunken legal advice to a game of wits that had a drunken Irishman as the pawn and drumming motions as the threat. Chris was one of those people it was impossible not to like. As this webpage was not up at the time, I never got to post this treasured picture of myself running into him (literally) at a party.

I encourage you to read the article, even if you did not know him. I only met his bandmates from Chin Up Chin Up in passing (some under the worst possible conditions); the efforts they made to include Chris posthumously is remarkable. They built songs off of Chris's proposed basslines and isolated his tracks from demos to include them in their new album. It sounds like an amazing feat to have his presence in the project and I'm really excited to hear the results.

Hey, I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think unicorns are kick ass!

And I also want to wear this shirt. Deal with it.

Order it here. You should wear it too. Order several. She has other shirts in varying degrees of production, including one that has the number "773" on it with a little note in the catalog saying "best area code ever (except for 312)." The fact that she has written such an accurate sentence means you should all give her money on principle - you can also wear that shirt as a bonus.

HE'S CHANGING CLIPS!

In case anyone has failed to notice, Jay Leno (on the heels of his retirement announcement and plummeting ratings) has started telling the media he is very liberal.

For those who stopped watching his show when it ceased being funny (15 years ago), Leno has consistently refused to touch politics in his safe-as-possible-for-the-advertisers monologues. He also hosted the Governator's inauguration and allowed him on the show several times during his campaign last year.

However, Jay is starting to realize how many viewers he's losing to Letterman, Stewart and Conan because, well, people want to hear our President ridiculed. So he has taken to calling reporters at random (seriously) and yelling at them about what a liberal he is. He even "used to" read Mother Jones.

Well, I'm sold. Because, really, selling is what his show is all about.

Do you have Carribean Shower Fantasy? Bill O'Reilly does.

Well ginandtacos.com viewers, all of our favorite pandering assclown is at it again.

Mr. O'Reilly was outraged yesterday. He claimed that Andrea Mackris, a producer at fox news was attempting to shake him down. Although one could be led to beleive from Mackris's complaint displayed at Thesmokinggun.com that while on the phone with Mackris he was "shaking himself down".

This is quite a development in the realm of exceptionally absurd news. Whether or it true or not, Miss Mackris's claims read like an exceptionally poorly written romance novel. Perhaps nearly on the level of O'Reilly's own novel Those Who Trespass.

For anyone who has seen the O'Reilly Factor, or possibly read the book The O'Reilly Factor For Kids should understand why, whether true or not, this is exceptionally funny.

"Ann, you ever been to Thailand? I have, damn, this girl I saw in a sex show there did things to me in the back room that blew my mind."




"Hey baby, why don't you and I go to the carribean. I'd take a shower with you right away I would take that little loofa thing and kinda' soap up your back... rub it all over you, ret you to relax, hot water...and..um..all the tension would drain out. I would kinda' rub your tummy a little bit with it, and then with my other hand I would start to massage your boobs, get your nipples really hard..."

*all taken nearly verbatim from Miss Mackris's complaint

I think you see where this is going. We can all only hope that this is a long protracted legal battle. You just can't make shit like this up.

I would like to thank Terpsboy for some fantastic Bill O'Reilly picture.

Up Until now I considered ginandtacos.com The Essence of Luxury

Also from that previous entry: Elite Traveler magazine exists.

Look at it. Take a good hard look at it. From their press kit:

Elite Traveler magazine that has set standards for providing the most affluent audience in the history of media (Household Income of $1 million+). While there are many travel and lifestyle magazines written for the affluent market, until now no magazine in this category has been specifically targeted to the Elite Affluent—the very top end of the market and the smallest but most lucrative slice. (The wealthiest 1/2 of 1 percent of Americans control over 25 percent of Net Worth in the U.S., according to the Federal Reserve.)

Keep going. Don't stop now! Hey look, a reference to that Two Elite Americans (is that what Edwards was talking about) split:

Today, there is a widening gap within the affluent community itself...Half of Conde Nast Traveler (49%), Town & Country (49%) and Vanity Fair (48%) readers did not buy ANY fine jewelry in the past 12 months, and those who did spent on average less than $2,000...By contrast, the readers of Elite Traveler not only enjoy the finest life has to offer, they demand it! They are unlike the lower echelon of the affluent market who must save and plan in order to treat themselves to luxury vacations and purchases. The Elite Affluent live a completely different lifestyle.

Do you love those who make between $200K and $1mil are referred to as the "lower echelon." Wow. Just the printed table of contents preview for their winter issue sets me off as well. "14 Days Touring Elite India." Can you picture the trust fund princess? "I've always heard that India was really spiritual and cultural, but I've also heard it's dirty. I want to visit it, but you know, not visit the common parts."

The rich are more than welcome to spend their money how they'd like, but if this doesn't serve as the prima facie for a graduated income tax I don't know what will.

I'm also considering starting another one of these magazines. "Logan Square Elite" will be the first column, focusing on the higher end taco establishments. Shoot comments if you'd like to write another article that we can then use to swindle high-end watch makers into buying our ads (ET has at least $35,000 a PAGE in ad revenue according to their info; picture at least 60 pages of ads) and we'll laugh all the way to the bank.

How much is just enough? About $10mil.

Not to take any moral high ground (not that I hate such things), but when I was growing up, I was always taught that if you could pay your bills, keep yourself entertained, keep up your savings and have a little left over at the end of the month you were doing ok. Wow. My parents were fools - evidently you aren't doing ok until your net worth reached eight figures, or just over ten million dollars.

Very interesting article in slate yesterday about Billionaires for Kerry. They looked over research done for Elite Traveler magazine, in which they polled people whose net worth was over 1 million dollars. The results are fascinating:

The rich folk [all over 1mil] favored Bush by a 58-42 margin... But when you break out the numbers, they tell a different story. The petit bourgeoisie millionaires were passionately for Bush: Those worth between $1 million and $10 million favored Bush by a 63-37 margin. But the haute millionaires, those worth more than $10 million, favored Kerry 59-41.

These results may seem confusing, as Bush is in favor of lowering taxes and Kerry in favor of raising them, but they make more sense seen through this lens: "Russ Prince explained the difference by noting that...those with a net worth of merely seven figures don't feel financially secure. 'The people with less than $10 million are still very focused on their personal financial situation in the short term'."

Those whose worth is more than $10mil care less about tax policy as they are going to be insanely rich no matter what the tax rate is, and instead get more worked up on things like Drug War policy (Soros) or the environment or, you know, social issues, and that they think that the Democrats have better policy on these topics.

Can you imagine anything more offensive than someone with 8 million dollars whose only topic of interest that gets him worked up enough to vote is taxes? "Sure we are at war with terrorism, we are occupying/liberating a Middle Eastern nation, health care is out of control, environmental policy is falling apart, pro-life forces are making headways, but the only thing that really matters to me, the only way I'd really measure progress, is to see the top marginal income tax rate below 30%."

Iraq and environmental policy are just two of the things less important than capital gains tax rates

This makes me laugh even more as I was at a party on Saturday where I talked to a person I knew from college who now works for the timber industry (he knows who he is if he visits this webpage). He brought up his salary (of course he did) which was ~$50,000, and then proceeded to talk about how he was more conservative these days as he feels his taxes are too high.

Huh? What? The idea that Bush et al is looking out for this guy when they discuss tax reform is absurd. (You don't trickle-down from the middle-class.) At that salary you will be comfortable but you'll never be independently wealthy (presumably his dream) - why not give up your dreams of being uber-rich and let your venting focus on unemployment, or health care? The idea that he feels a sense of solidarity with those who have 5 million dollars in the bank is more than a little absurd.

Go after the advertisers!

First off, if your mind is still thinking in terms of "u r a fagorz" from all the comments left by camwhores/camwhore-well-wishers visiting our page, I'd recommend taking the quick Economist Style Quiz to cleanse off the verbal palette. Though I must admit, I keep rephrasing those questions in terms of what has been discussed (which is more correct: "the man paypaled for boob shoots" or "the boob shots were paypaled by the man"?)

Anyway, I'm sure you've heard: Sinclair Broadcast Group has ordered its 62 stations to air an Anti-Kerry film without commercials in prime time next week, just two weeks before the Nov. 2 election. There are many articles on the subject on the net, so I won't bother summarizing the issue.

The good news is that there's a very simple way to fight it, and it allows you to be a dick over the phone (always a plus).

The database is sorted both nationally and by market. It also contains a list of their phone numbers, emails and mailing addresses. Many of the advertisers in small markets are local restaurants and car dealerships. These businesses want to run their store and do not want to cause trouble. They hate things that rock the boat, and are more than willing to jump ship if there is trouble. From that page's main blog protest calls only took a few hours to get a car dealership to pull it's money. Dailykos is also reporting similar efforts has gotten Sylvan learning centers to pull ad money.

Call one in your area (Champaign has a market), and say, in the nicest tone that you can (remember that the person answering the phones is not the heart of the right wing conspiracy) that you won't support their business while they advertise on Sinclair due to this Anti-Kerry film. This ad money is a HUGE deal for these small markets. Ginandtacos.com knows firsthand the power of advertisers in getting content pulled. Now you can too.

The most recent argument for John Kerry's tort reform

The year was 1993. The grunge music was popular, Bill Clinton had recently been elected president, and Richard Linklater had just completed the movie Dazed and Confused. The marijuana and hallucinogenic drug consuming subculture was treated to a film that would, for years to come be viewed by stoned teenagers and college students who would stare vacantly at the screen and giggle uncontrollably for no apparent reason.

These were good times

This is possibly one of the best crafted high school, cult followed, viewed by stoners movies to ever have been made. Honestly, the basic premise of the movie is that it is the last day of school and the kids are going to go to a party, then they are going to go see Aerosmith... Really, that’s it.

Yet, between the fact that it had every actor that was going to become famous in the next 5 years in it, and that the plot basically made no apologies for the fact that it was just a bunch of people having a good time for an hour and a half, it managed to come off as incredibly refreshing as opposed to moronic.

Now the year is 2004. 11 years after the movie initially was released.

Three men in Santa Fe, NM are suing claiming their character has been defamed.

That’s right, apparently Wooderson, Andy Slater, and Richard "Pink" Floyd were actual classmates of Richard Linklater. Looking back it all makes perfect sense. These characters were so much of cliches that they had to actually be real people. In other words, a writer clearly would have made more effort if he were not basing it off actual acquaintances of his.

Where does one begin to discuss the absurdity of this lawsuit? Is it at the point where they chose to file it 11 years after the movie was released? Or is it when realizing that these three men have never left the town in which they attended high school- thus fulfilling the movie's prophecy.

I think perhaps I will just leave it with this. "Pink" Floyd works at a car dealership, Andy Slater does construction and remodeling, and Wooderson has some nondescript job in the "technology sector." One is only left to assume that if a sequel to the movie were to be made, these three men's lives could still be used to inspire the characters based on them.

GINANDTACOS.COM vs ILLITERATE RUNAWAYS WHO SUCK DICK ON GRAINY WEBCAMS

Over this past weekend, ginandtacos.com incurred the wrath of a special subset of the internet porn community - indescribably ugly illiterates who make a living by flashing their diseased snatches on webcams and begging for PayPal tips from obese, pathetic men who have never talked to a girl without first giving a credit card number.

What started out as Friday afternoon entertainment for the authors of this webpage became the sole purpose in life for some people who apparently have nothing at all to do with their time. Lacking both employment and interests aside from their delusional internet fantasy world, one of these individuals is apparently willing to dedicate her (by definition, infinite) free time to posting derivative, submoronic comments on our website.

Since we quickly grew bored of the original joke as well as the backlash, we have relocated the relevant posts in a separate page all their own. Beware - it features runaways who read at a 4th grade level sucking dick. You will also see a woman whose website consists of hundreds of pics of her diseased snatch and shapeless, pudgy ass but none of her face. Enter at your own risk.

If you're an obese man who has been re-directed here because they have linked their "fans" here, DO NOT MASTURBATE while looking at ginandtacos.com. To repeat, the terms of service of this website explicitly require pants to be worn at all times.

Whoops.

Reported everywhere, and now reported here. During the debates I thought that, if true, the following statement was a real blow to Edward's experience issues. Cheney to Edwards:

"Now, in my capacity as vice president, I am the president of Senate, the presiding officer. I'm up in the Senate most Tuesdays when they're in session. The first time I ever met you was when you walked on the stage tonight,"

Whoops. Evidently they've met at least three times.

Last thought: I think the real winner of the debates so far is Jim Lehrer. By far. Gwen Ifill stumbled over questions, had to repeat herself, and let the debate fall behind to the point where half of the time on new questions were spent on old questions. Now it just remains to be seen if Lehrer low-key mastery can stand up against the morning-TV scrubbed pleasantries of Charles Gibson.

NO, REALLY: WHOOPS.

The CIA has just announced, as part of its inquiry about pre-war intelligence, that Iraq posessed no WMDs at the time of our invasion and its nuclear program was "deteriorating, not advancing".

Whoops. Guess that makes our President a fucking liar. Time to send Uncle Colin back to the U.N. with some better cartoon drawings of mobile biological weapons labs.

Roll Call of Evil

Not to be yet another debate blogger but something John Edwards (who I wished was the Presidential candidate, and also who I wish I could carry children for) said about Cheney's record floored me. I mean floored me, and it should floor you too:

The vice president, I‘m surprised to hear him talk about records. When he was one of 435 members of the United States House, he was one of 10 to vote against Head Start, one of four to vote against banning plastic weapons that can pass through metal detectors. 

He voted against the Department of Education.  He voted against funding for Meals on Wheels for seniors.  He voted against a holiday for Martin Luther King.  He voted against a resolution calling for the release of Nelson Mandela in South Africa.

Seriously. I'll re-write this if it turns out to be incorrect (Cheney did not comment on these comments), but can you think of a better set of policy items people just don't disagree with? This seriously sounds like the political platform of Skeletor than someone who should be a heartbeat away.

Also kudos to Edwards for mentioning Valerie Lake, the poor girl he represented who had 80% of her intenstial tract ripped out of her body by a defective pool drain. This was the case many Republicans have been using for years now to credit Edward's trial lawyer experience to "jacuzzi cases" (if you every wanted to hate on Tucker Carlson read the two part discussion, by better people than us, about him trying to repaint that case as if the girl had split hot coffee on herself).

Better late than never

I hope.

BITCH, I DISPUTE YOUR METHODOLOGY

The first public opinion poll specific to a Presidential election took place in 1936. FDR ran against a very conservative sacrificial lamb by the name of Alf Landon, who is best remembered for fathering the TV alien of the same name. OK, not really, but the rest of this is true.

A coalition of east-coast newspapers banded together shortly before the general election and conducted a rudimentary nation-wide poll by telephone. Their results surprised them. FDR, who was thought to be extremely popular, had gotten support from less than 40% of the respondents. Landon, polling near 70%, was predicted to be the winner by the participating newspapers.

Well, election day rolled around and, wouldn't you know it, FDR steamrolled Landon to the tune of 61% of the popular vote and 98.5% of the electoral vote. "What happened?" the newsmen of the day were heard to exclaim.

Some genius finally pointed out that, in 1936, telephone service at home was uncommon. It could be said without much exaggeration that anyone who had a phone at home was wealthy, and possibly on the upper ranges of the category as well. So basically the newspapers had inadvertently polled the nation's titans of industry and not much else, discovering in the process that the super-rich favor conservatives. Wow.

"That's a quaint story, Ed, but surely we've learned from those mistakes" you say. Funny thing about that.

National polling organizations - Zogby (the best), Roper, Gallup, Reuters - base the polls you see on TV and in the papers on < 1000 respondents. This is almost universally true. Most, in fact, usually have between 600 and 800 respondents. Furthermore, they limit it to a ubiquitous category they like to call "likely voters". That just means they only count people who say they're probably going to vote, right? Well, funny thing about that too.

"Likely voters" are simply the demographic of people who have historically turned out in the highest numbers. The elderly, homeowners, and heads of household between 25 and 50. Basically, they're eliminating young people, poor people, renters (note that those 3 are often comingled), and people in anything other than the traditional 2.5-kids-and-a-spouse relationship.

Usually, they get away with this just fine because our national turnout is so embarassingly bad that this assumption about who votes is pretty much true - when turnout hovers at 50% that basically means only your middle-class homeowners (usually white) and old people are voting. However, in a highly-charged election that has created so much controversy over the last four years it would be fair to assume that some proportion of people who usually don't vote will turn out.

Far be it from me to make any assumptions about how this demographic might lean, but suffice it to say that they are totally unaccounted for in the polls that people salivate over around this time of year.

And so begets the first official ginandtacos.com electoral prediction of 2004: barring any unexpected events (disasters) in the next month, if turnout of the voting age population (which was 54% in 2000 and 49% in 1996) hits 62%, John Kerry will win, and probably do so in an overwhelming manner. When this happens and everyone acts shocked, don't be. When they wonder how they could have been so wrong, you'll know exactly why.

If turnout remains at its historically pitiful levels, the election will look like the polls - a 50/50 race with the advantage to Bush in electoral votes.

Bitch, you will vote, and you will bring two additional bitches to the polls.