Author: Mike

We realize there is a lot of content on this page.
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Some old fans have been wondering "What's new?
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" Others are saying "There's too much for one view! Where's the best stuff?" Well, it's all the best stuff sweety, but if you only have a few moments here's the cream of the new crop:

Gin Reviews – funny, smart, could save your life someday. Featuring new reviews. Each comes with an image of the person most likely to be found drinking that gin.

Neocon Bingo – Tired of the neocons? Try this. Refresh the bingo card and you'll get new images; if you have small resolution and the card doesn't fit adjust the bingo size and you'll get scrollbars.

Drinking in Champaign – I know more than a few of you have lived in/attended school in Champaign-Urbana. Erik Martin's bar guide is for you.

Monthly Contest – I expect you all to place a vote in the comments. I want voter turnout to be higher than the national election rates!

Music – we are finally reviewing albums.
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Soon, we will have enough albums reviewed to start getting free stuff from record companies.

We'll let you slide on just checking out these pages for the first viewing – but you'd better be back for everything else. Also updates.

Mike here with good news: Ginandtacos.com is back and online. Hopefully for good. This site was born out of my dad's basement at that start of a college winter break in december 1999. Ed, Erik and myself had already wasted a good part of the previous acedemic semester building and maintaining seperate student webpages (Erik's is still out there somewhere), so the idea that we would put together our minds to make one great page was an obvious one.

We initially tried to get "www.gin.com", but it was taken by some german folks. We really wanted to take "www.gin.edu", but you needed some hefty credentials to register an education site (gin.edu is still available as far as I know – if any colleges would be willing to purchase it for us please email immediately). I don't know if Ed and I were eating tacos while thinking "what else could we use for a site name to go with gin?

" (we almost certainly were), but the name came to us like a bolt of lightning.

It was an initial success. Ed provided the writing, I provided cheap flash applets, Erik Martin provided the Erik Martin. Sadly though, the demands of work and adult life weighed heavy over ginandtacos.

com. Faced with old content we put the site on hold with a "check back soon" sign. That was in April of 2002.

Since then everything and nothing has changed. This past December, the domain name lease expired, celebrating the 4th year birthday of ginandtacos.com and leaving the page lost for two weeks. It was then we realized a line in the sand had to be drawn – we had to bring the gin and the tacos back to the people, where they belonged. So here it is. An updated heroes and "little bitch" gallery should be up soon, more movie reviews, and all kinds of stuff in the next couple weeks.

Keep checking in!

For all of you who were there back in the glory days of ginandtacos.
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com (*sigh* about four years ago /*sigh*) here's our old intro. If this doesn't make you feel like you are 20 and taking a sledgehammer to your GPA while chugging gin straight from the bottle all over again, nothing will:

The Old Ginandtacos.com entry page

Click on the link below to leave comments re: neocon bingo. Thanks.

hi. you shouldn't see this. I just need the comments.

Welcome back ginandtacos.com viewers. It’s been a long time since we’ve had a monthly contest so for the first month we are going to hold one that is near and dear to our hearts: who is the greatest action star ever?

We here at ginandtacos.com will always believe that the superhero to cranky, middle-class civil servants everywhere, Detective John McClane (Bruce Willis) of the Die Hard series is the best we’ve seen. But lately, we have heard more and more that the gothy computer nerd Neo (Keanu Reeves) from the Matrix series would come out on top.

(Note: save your emails. We are talking about the McClane and Neo from their first respective movies. We are also arguing about American action heroes, even though I still believe that McClane could take out Jet Li or Gordon Liu we’ll save that for a different day).

Both Neo and McClane have starred in excellent action movies that were immediately turned into crass and shameless sequels. But more importantly, each represents the trials and tribulations faced by their respective classes in their own times. Don’t believe me? Let’s take a better look.

Neo is the proto-typical late 90s dot-com web-surfer. He meets women in online chat-rooms (that somehow look like Carrie-Anne Moss), feels all detached and out-of-touch with his computer job, and worries endlessly about his life. That is, until he learns that that everyone who is not like him or his goth attired friends do not actually exist. Sorry rest of the world. It’s true that The Matrix is as self-obsessed as the aspiring dot-com barons it profiles – but the other thing about it is how clever it is.

There are all kinds of nifty allusions, to Blade Runner’s grunge chic, to martial art flicks, to the Baudrillard books scattered around Neo’s apartment.

John McClane does not care about simulacra or other nifty allusions – all he wanted to do was sneak away from the crappy office party his wife dragged him to in order to take a nice long dump with his shoes off. Unfortunately, terrorists come between him and his small dream. The villains that plague Die Hard are all taken from the buffet of mid 80s middle-class white male anxieties. Remember when, before their 12-year-and-counting major depression, when the Japanese were going to economically bury us all?

Die Hard does – McClane is stuck in the Takagi Building. The villains are straight out of that mold of villainous Eastern Europeans that we believed existed before the Iron Curtain fell and Bulgaria became a leading player in the Coalition of the Willing.

And that’s the major villains – we aren’t even counting the estranged wife, who, after taking her maiden name, fills her life with career ambitions for a major company (a situation that is the bane to male civil servants everywhere); the investigative reporter, cynically out for a quick story and played by the same guy who was the villainous E.P.A. goon in Ghostbusters; and that obnoxious yuppie that is always calling everyone babe and doing coke (how 80s!). You also have to include bosses among the bad guys: everyone on the police force, from McClane to his sidekick (Reginald Veljohnson) to the Police Chief is usually getting yelled at by their pushy boss, complaining about how much of a dick their boss is, or getting condescended to from the FBI (ask a cop someday how he or she feels about the FBI – go ahead, I dare ya!).

Sure Neo has to fight off kung-fu fighting computer programs and giant spider robots, but has he ever had to deal with a pushy boss? A pushy wife? While fighting terrorists? No. That’s why he should win, outright, but we put the contest to you, our loyal viewers:

So that's 4-4, it's up to you, the viewer, to cast the deciding vote. Click on our comments button and cast your vote along with any further arguments you'd like to bring to the table – we'll tally them up at the end of the month. Now go!

Your Boss

Littlebitchness: 10
Sightings: Offices
Quotes: "Yeah, I'm going to need you to come in on Saturday."
Notes: The only little bitch you need fear, since he does hold power over you. Best bet is to dodge him at every turn (long lunches, early dismissals, frequent bathroom breaks). Remember, in most cases, he too has a boss, so go over his head and get his ass in trouble any chance you get.

Male Models

Littlebitchness: 9
Sightings: Parties, Gap Commericals, Magazine Ads
Quotes: "Hmmm, which picture do you think I better in?" "Hey you want to come over and check out my new haircut?"
Notes: There are a couple things you have to understand about the male model. First he is almost categorically exceptionally stupid. Second he has deluded himself into thinking that everyone worships him. This is a dangerous combination. Essentially it means that there is little to no chance you are going to get him to stop being a little bitch. In fact, it often means that even but the most biting insults will be construed as compliments and worship by this little bitch.

Since this little bitch will under no circumstances think that the person talking to him does not think he is god's gift to earth, your best bet is to start off by telling him "things you have heard people saying about him." For example, "I heard some people talking about how outdated your frosted tips look" or "did you know some people have said that you were fat in high school."

Now you have endeared yourself to the little bitch, it is time to move in for the kill. Since you will never be able to convince him that you don't like him, just try to annoy him. Your bet bet is to make disparaging comments about his taste in cloths. Start with, "I hope you didn't pay more than 15 dollars for that shirt.

" (it was no doubt several hundred and straight out of the maxim fashion section) Reply with: "Oh jesus (contrived shock) well, I don't know I guess some people go in for that type of thing." (he will no doubt be confused and attempting to reconcile this with his world view.

Now deliver the final blow by impling that you know something he doesn't about cloths that simultaneously insults him again. Try: "You know if you like that shirt, I think they have a lot just like it at Sears."

Guys who Are Sad in Front of Women
Littlebitchness: 8
Sightings: Anywhere there are girls present, especially girls by themselves.
Quotes: "She says that I should try to see other people" "It's not that she doesn't like me, it's that she's going through a rough time right now and doesn't want to see anybody." "Girls always want to date pricks, why can't they like nice guys."

Notes: I know in your heart, your first instinct is to take pity on these pathetic creatures. We have all been down on our luck with women before. However, this is most certainly not the proper recourse. In fairness their pathetic nature is probably designed not only to get pity sex from women but to get you to be friends with him. Do not fall into this trap! If you do, you will be at his apartment listening to Dashboard Confessionals albums before you know it.

There are two ways to defeat this little bitch. The first is to confront him head on. Explain to him that women want nothing to do with him because he is an amazingly little tiny bitch. This will not cause him to not be a little bitch, but it will result in him moving on to someone who will listen to him whine endlessly about that girl in his math class that looked at him once. The second and far more subtle defense is to pawn him off on the nearest "little bitch who defines his life by the books he claims to have read." These little bitches are always looking for worshipers, and the "sad around women" little bitch serves this purpose perfectly.

Guys trying to hit on women too hard
Littlebitchness: 9
Sightings: Bars, Frat Row
Quotes: "Hey, hey, introduce me to her." "You want a cigarette?" "Yeah so my name's blah blah blah, and blah blah blah blah blah…."
Notes: Watching these guys for an evening can be a very depressing event. To see a man continously be turned down by every woman he hits on, each more dowdy than the last, can make a person sick to their stomach.
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However, do not fear, you look nothing like this man when you hit on women.

If you are a girl reading this page, your best bet is to completely ignore these guys. Don't ask them for cigarettes, don't give them any attention in any way.

One of the easiest ways to spot this man is if he is wearing a dragon shirt. Erik Martin tells the legend of the men who wears dragon shirts – these are normal-to-slightly-below-normal guys who got girlfriends somehow. Suddenly, he somehow gets himself a girlfriend. After a few months of regular sex and going out, he feels confident about himself. Too confident unfortunately, and decides that he can do better than his current girlfriend. So he dumps her and heads out to the clubs. There he realizes that his confidence was overstated and women ignore him as before.

Desperate to impress women he runs out and buys a dumb shirt, usually with a dragon on it. Be warned.

Guy Who Will Only Drink Girl Drinks

Littlebitchness: 7
Sightings: Small parties, gatherings
Quotes: "It's too bad that the waitress couldn't get us that pitcher of Amaretto Sour" – Actual quote overheard from employees at G-Mart Comic Shop, Champaign, Il.

Comic Book Guy
Littlebitchness: 6
Sightings: Comic book stores, toy stores, Conventions
Quotes: "Rogue is extremely more attractive than Witchblade, especially during the Jim Lee run on X-Men." "This is not a library, you may not just read the comics."
Notes: While they seem harmless, few men in their 20s/30s are more hate-filled and bitter towards humanity than the Comic Book Guy. Memorizing huge amounts of trivia inbetween masturbating to BattleChaser comics, they will never miss an opportunity to try to make you feel dumb for not knowing as much about military history, comic-book crossovers, Japanese swords, and whatever else they've read. Easiest solution: Ask them the last time they went on a date. Works every time……

That Guy who defines his life by the books he claims to have read
Littlebitchness: 9
Sightings: coffeehouses, classrooms, friendster-profiles.
Quotes: "It's extremely maudlin of you to say all that." "I am a philosophy/literature major." "I should know, because my brother is named after Stephen Dedalus." "You know, Nietzsche and Marx had a lot of the same ideas."
Notes: I sometimes wonder what would happen if Friedrich Nietzsche was to rise from the grave this very instance. What do you think he would be more upset by: His sister re-editing his journals and throwing fascist statements everywhere? The Nazis hijacking his message in an attempt for world domination and ethic genocide? Or the number of sad, sophomore-level philosophy majors mis-quoting him in an attempt to get laid by girls in coffeehouses?

Considering the little-bitchness of the third example (also considering the man was a closeted fascist if there every was one) ginandtacos.com guess is the last. Hence this category. The problem is usually a problem of perception. We have nothing against philosophy majors per se (one of the ginandtacos.com editors was a philosophy major until the bitter end), and druken philosophical debate is fine and good. The problem occurs when these people don't realize that nobody is interested in what they are talking about. You get the sense that these people think that they are doing you a favor by lecturing to you about something random and then acting surprised when you don't know (or care) about it.

Guy who tries and dances wilds at the indie rock show.
Littlebitchness: 8
Sightings: Concerts
Quotes: "Whoo-hooo!"
Notes: Listen. You don't have any rhythm. That's ok. Being white and into indie-rock places you into the remedial level of being able to dance. And the fact that you can't dance worth crap means you'll like the stylings indie-rock (the obvious "which came first" debate will be saved for another day). The problem is when you try and "bust a move" during the show you are attending. You should be smarter than this. The venue is too small, and smoke filled. You think by rushing into people and jumping high enough you'll get people to join in. The only "joining in" that will happen is the ass-kicking you'll recieve outside the venue. Just stop.

Guys trying to hit on women too hard
Littlebitchness: 9
Sightings: Bars, Frat Row
Quotes: "Hey, hey, introduce me to her." "You want a cigarette?" "That's funny you mention that because I was just in India – hold on let me draw you a map on this napkin"
Notes: Watching these guys for an evening can be a very depressing event. To see a man continously be turned down by every woman he hits on, each more dowdy than the last, can make a person sick to their stomach. However, do not fear, you look nothing like this man when you hit on women. If you are a girl reading this page, your best bet is to completely ignore these guys. Don't ask them for cigarettes, don't give them any attention in any way.

One of the easiest ways to spot this man is noticing if he is wearing a dragon shirt. Erik Martin tells the legend of the men who wears dragon shirts – these are normal-to-slightly-below-normal guys who got girlfriends somehow. Suddenly, he somehow gets himself a girlfriend. After a few months of regular sex and going out, he feels confident about himself. Too confident unfortunately, and decides that he can do better than his current girlfriend. So he dumps her and heads out to the clubs. There he realizes that his confidence was overstated and women ignore him as before.

Desperate to impress women he runs out and buys a dumb shirt intended to impress the women, They usually have a dragon on it.

Random things about me and this page:

I

You know who they are. They know who they are. They are little bitches, and we all have to deal with them. Whether it's that fat kid who's way too into data systems, the Christian kid down the hall who gives you the pro-abstinence speech, or the tool who thinks he's deep because he read one Bukowski short story, everyone has a little bitch or two in their life, and ginandtacos.

com is here to help you deal with them.

First, what exactly is a little bitch? Webster's defines it thusly:

little bitch- n (lit'-uhl bit-ch); a derivative of the human male species; native to suburbs and college campuses; fosters an urge to slap him in all he encounters (etymology: Latin 'litius'=small or childlike, 'bitchum'=one who is a fucking dildo)

That didn't help much, did it? Perhaps we should lead by example. These following links will clear things up for you and help you identify the little bitches in your world:

The first link is a field guide that will help you to quickly identify a little bitch so that you can safely prepare for an encounter with one. The second link lists some famous little bitches throughout history to further clarify the point.

What to do if you Encounter a Little Bitch

An encounter with a little bitch is a frightening experience. However, with a little Ginandtacos.com know-how, you can escape unscathed.

1. Never panic–After all, he is a little bitch. Stay focused, and remember that you have shit out things scarier than this loser.

2. Call him out–Nothing scares a little bitch away quicker than being called on something. For example, let's say a Guy who likes to act sad/smart in front of women type bitch (refer to the chart above) responds to a story you tell with, "That's so postmodern." Simply say, "Do you know what that means, or are you just trying to look smart?" Works every time.

3. Beware of backup bitches–Little bitches usually have sycophants following them around to laugh at their jokes, admire their "intelligence," and generally make them feel like they are not little bitches. Beware these parasites, they give the little bitch badly-needed confidence. However, once separated from these people who follow him around and worship him, the little bitch will remember that he is an assmaster with a really small dick and can thus be neutralized.

4. Don't take any shit–You feel very, very sorry for a little bitch at some point….his ineptitude, over-compensation, and lingering bedwetting problems will foster pity in your heart. You will refrain from destroying him because of your sympathy. However, remember that the little bitch will turn on you as soon as he thinks he can. So don't pass up a chance to point out that he's been using the word "maudlin" wrong for 45 minutes at a party and that Vonnegut is not an existentialist like he just told that pretty girl in the corner….
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get him while you have the chance, or else he'll start ripping you the second his confidence breaks the surface level.