How is your mustache coming?

Throughout history many fine men have grown mustaches- not that there is really any correlation between the strength of a man's character, and his ability to grow facial hair. In fact, often times the complete opposite is true. Never in history has this been more the case than when talking about the Mike and Molly's official mustache comeptition.

Here is the story. On monday the fifth of april all those who thought they had the nerve had to show up at the bar clean shaven to be examined by competition officials. Upon varifiying the smoothness of the upperlip, you are allowed to compete. You now have three weeks to allow your mustache hair to flourish.

On the 26th of April many a mustachioed competitor will decend on Mike and Molly's to have their growth judged by an impartial panel of past winners, bar employees and friends.

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The judgment is based not entirely on the thickness of mustache, but on the skill of the preformer. Having the perfect mustache personality is an absolute must.

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This year I decided to let the ginandtacos readers behind the scenes.
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Typically the average spectator will only see the mustache from in front of the stage on the 26th. I am going to change all that.

Take a look into the sordid world of competitive mustache growth

More Random Links from Erik

Also due to feeling the pressures of graduate student life, I am going to give you random links to make up for actual updates.

The NYT talking about the use of MRI in determining political leanings Although from a scientific standpoint, this research is at the point where it can be refered to as dubious at best, their "conclusions" are quite amusing. You will need a NYT login to view this article. If you don't already have one, and don't want to sign up for one, use ours:

login:ginandtacos
password:ginandtacos

If you don't have much time a brief on the same story from the drudgereport.com….bear in mind that he left out some of the more interesting tidbits about the apparent differences between conservatives and liberals.

Teenagers are actually are interested in news Yes, but since the study also concludes that they "hate reading" is this really good news?

What is the nature of our involvement in Syria? This is admittedly a very sketchy source, but interesting nonetheless – primarily because some of the statements attributed to US government officaials seem remarkably similar to rhetoric describing our involvement in Laos and Cambodia in early 1970.

Let me leave you with this quote from Kevin Spacey after his ill-fated late night "dog walking" incident. Apparently he was "conned" into giving some kid his cell phone, then tripped over his dog in an attempt to pursue the child. He proceeded to lie to the police and claim he was mugged.

"You know walking your dog in the park is a perfectly normal thing to do, but, you know, I think that they are always trying to, you know, [say] 'What was he doing in that park at 4:30 am.?' My doggy had to go!"

By the way, if I were to actually say this I could be sued, so I will just insinuate. This incident took place in London, I have on good authority from someone who was there recently that there are pamphlets around the city saying going to parks late at night are a good way so score yourself some hot anonymous same-sex loving.

A Plan for a Plan?

I was distressed to find out the the typical dose of reality television had been preempted for the third primetime news conference of Bush's "presidency".

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Although watching Average Joe Hawaii, or whatever the fuck else would have been on clearly would have caused me to regress socially, listening to George Bush Jr.

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speak did something far far worse.


Source: BBC World News, April 14 2004

* Disclaimer: All quotes were taken from the official Whitehouse transcript. Having watched the speech, I can say with some certainty that George Bush occasionally "elaborated" on some points.

"It's not a civil war; it's not a popular uprising. Most of Iraq is relatively stable. Most Iraqis, by far, reject violence and oppose dictatorship. In forums where Iraqis have met to discuss their political future, and in all the proceedings of the Iraqi Governing Council, Iraqis have expressed clear commitments. They want strong protections for individual rights; they want their independence; and they want their freedom."

It would seem that a lot of them simply want "their freedom" from us. Out of curiosity, how many Iraqis need to pick up a gun and shoot at us before it qualifies as a "popular uprising" or "civil war"?

"In Fallujah, coalition forces have suspended offensive operations, allowing members of the Iraqi Governing Council and local leaders to work on the restoration of central authority in that city."


Source: New York Times, April 14 2004

Apparently no one informed the Bush administration that when you have control of a city and people start attacking you, then they are the ones engaging in offensive operations…..not you. Perhaps Bush was hopeful that the Iraqis would be so overwhelmed by our generosity that they would stop trying to retake the city.

"The people know where I stand. I mean, in terms of Iraq, I was very clear about what I believed. And, of course, I want to know why we haven't found a weapon yet. But I still know Saddam Hussein was a threat, and the world is better off without Saddam Hussein. I don't think anybody can — maybe people can argue that.
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I know the Iraqi people don't believe that, that they're better off with Saddam Hussein — would be better off with Saddam Hussein in power.
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I also know that there's an historic opportunity here to change the world. And it's very important for the loved ones of our troops to understand that the mission is an important, vital mission for the security of America and for the ability to change the world for the better."

This was in a response to a question asking whether or not it was fair for people to criticize Bush's adimistration for never admitting a mistake. He seems to contradict himself several times; nevermind the fact that he doesn't seem to even slightly address what was asked. Perhaps you can make some sense out of this answer. I can't.

"I don't plan on losing my job. I plan on telling the American people that I've got a plan to win the war on terror. And I believe they'll stay with me. They understand the stakes. Look, nobody likes to see dead people on their television screens — I don't. …. It is a — it is — it's a chance to hug and weep and to console and to remind the loved ones that the sacrifice of their loved one was done in the name of security for America and freedom for the world."

Let me see if I've got this: He has a plan? He plans on telling us his plan? Perhaps he plans on having a plan? This makes me feel very secure. I guess I should just rest assured that a plan for a plan, whose dissemination is planned is going to ensure "security for America and freedom for the world."

Whew.

I am glad I am not a liberal or terrorist, or I might have been a bit distressed by this speech.

For More Information:
Here is the official transcript, I suggest reading it. Reading and quoting this speech made me tired and disheartened, I could not possibly include everything that merited reading.
The official Whitehouse transcript
The BBC does a good job here of summarizing press reaction to the speech.
BBC World News- "Press Unimpressed"

You'd think with all that money they could afford sturdier clothes

It really is shameless. You would think one prominent pop musician baring her breasts in public would be enough for one year. However, not to be upstaged, and possibly fearing that her truly dignified lesbianesque imagery was fading from public eye, Britney Spears experienced a similar "wardrobe malfunction" last night in front of a innocent unsuspecting crowd of radio executives (affectionately described by Roe Conn of WLS am as balding and wearing silk jackets). Although no one is accusing her of doing it intentionally, good god, can't she afford clothing that won't break apart under the stress of singing sappy teen pop?

This girl is clearly losing it. I suppose this really shouldn't surprise anyone. I guess when you are constantly trying to out-skank yourself, things are bound to take a turn for the worse. But hell, since we are all human and enjoy a good train wreck lets take a step back for a moment and examine these pictures displayed in chronological order.

1999 2002 2004

Well, that was amusing for about 37 seconds. If you are really interested in this story, the only place I have found reporting it is listed below. And no you creepy bastard, there are no pictures…..and I imagine all of those middle aged radio executives are fine upstanding members of society and they will never find their way onto the internet.

The only place reporting this as of right now

And remember, regardless of what her publicist says, nothing- under any circumstances- ever happens in Las Vegas at 6 AM while sober. Nothing.

Remember, ginandtacos.com will be the next pitchforkmedia, and read our record reviews

Club Sandwiches, Not Seals

Update! I want to direct everyone to the website posted by liz in the comments: the link

It good to know that there are many young Newfoundlanders out there club in hand just waiting to join the noble ranks of the baby seal hunters. I wonder what a seal medallion or burger tastes like?

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Some one tell me what Paris Hilton, Christina Applegate, and Nick Carter all have in common?

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If you answered that they are the new front line against the clubbing of baby seals, then you would have been correct. This whole situation baffles me. An article in the New York Times this morning indicated that due to increased demand from eastern europe, and other similarly pleasant places seal clubbing is again on the rise in Canada.


I am not exactly what you would call your typical animal rights advocate.
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Anyone introducing themselve to me as a member of "greenpeace" would no doubt promptly meet the back of my hand, or at least have to endure an extended verbal lashing. However, the whole concept of seal clubbing escapes me.

First of all, I have no idea what you do with a baby seal pelt? Can anyone help me out here? Are seal skin pants the latest fashion in the Czech Republic or something? Correct me if I'm wrong, but it just doesn't seem like seal is really the color of the season.
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Second, after decades of scandal and protest, can't this industry find some better way to carry out business than to have large swarthy canadian men lumbering across the snow covered seaside with large clubs crushing the skulls of baby animals right in front of the waiting cameras of animal rights activists? I mean honestly, look how politely the beef industry hides itself from public eye. Not since Upton Sinclair has anyone really had to witness it.

Working In Iraq

….So if you are really interested in working in Iraq, you might want to check this out.

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Mike mentioned earlier "monster.
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comesque listings"

Here are the actual Monster.com listings for "employment oppertunities" in Iraq:

Monster Jobs In Iraq

Not that I know anything about really being employed, but if I were you I would take a serious look at the listings for "interogator" or "debriefer". Sounds like a good time.

The Complete Sean Hannity Experience

It takes no more than a brief look around this site to realize the intense love all of its authors feel for the enigmatic and often misunderstood media personality, Sean Hannity.

However, in light of the new launch of Air America and the potential clear-channel cable network and talk radio show (rumored to be hosted by Al Gore and Jesse Jackson) Sean Hannity might be at risk of having his strangle hold on america's talk radio listeners slowly loosen.

It is a good thing that it is time once again for the "Hannitization of America" tour. If you live in Chicago and don't get enough of Mr. hannity from 7-10pm weekdays on News talk 890 WLS am or on the Fox News showHannity and Colmes 8pm weeknights.

The Hannitization of Chicago is scheduled to occur on May the 7 at the Plaza Hilton. Tickets are available right now at:

Tickets.com

*update: After checking for myself, it looks like the tickets are not actually on sale now. I got some dodgy information from Roe Conn on WLS yesterday.

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To the best of my knowledge the Hannitization of America tour is still going to be in Chicago on May 7th.
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I will keep you posted as to when I actually find the tickets on sale.

Perhaps you think that you can live a fully self actualized life without being Hannitized, but I think not!

How did you manage to eat tacos or drink gin for two years without us?

This is Erik here welcoming you back to the internet's one true source for gin and taco related content. Life has been quite hectic around the ginandtacos.com corporate office located in sunny Grenada for the last two years. We refused to place anything onto this, the worlds finest site on the internet, that was not truly the paramount example of gin and taco related content. We would not settle for second best. In the world of gin and taco related websites we patently refuse to take the second seat. We owe that to you, our loyal audience- all four of you. Now, knowing us, as many of you do, you probably just assumed that we were procrastinating or were too concerned with eating tacos and drinking gin to inform the world about the latest happenings in gin and taco consumption.
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I am offended that the thought would even cross your mind. I would like to refer to this time not as procrastination, but rather the gaining of experience and a more profound “world view.

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While you might have witnessed us drinking large quantities of alcoholic beverages or eating epic quantities of tacos in the last two years, we do not like to think of that as us shirking our responsibilities, but rather the persuit of knowledge and enlightenment. At the bottom of every shot, or within the remains of every taco wrapper there is wisdom waiting to be saved from the garbage. It is this very wisdom that ginandtacos.com strives to bring you each and every day.


Lets see if I know how to work this

We don't smoke marijuana in Muskogee we don't take our trips on LSD
We don't burn out draft cards down on Main Street
But we like living right and being free
We don't make a party out of loving but we like holding hands and pitching woo
We don't let our hair grow long and shaggy like the hippies out in San Francisco do
And I'm proud to be an Okie from Muskogee
A place where even squares can have a ball
We still wave Ol' Glory down at the court house
And white lightning's still the biggest thrill of all

Leather boots are still in style for manly foot wear
Beads and Roman sandals won't be seen
Football's still the roughest thing on campus
And the kids here still respect the college dean
And I'm proud to be an Okie from Muskogee…
And white lightning's still the biggest thrill of all in Muskogee Oklahoma USA