Author: Erik

Initially, I was saddened to see that one Mr. Burmila would decide to part with such a valued historically significant pair of silver vinyl (possibly from Hot Topic but if my memory serves purchased at Gadzooks) pants. I figured there must be some logical explanation. Perhaps it is some kind of benefit auction? Since the bidding has now stopped, we might never know.

What we do know is as follows:

The year was 2000, or possibly 2001. Actually I am pretty sure it was 2001. The date is insignificant. The location was CO Daniels. You see, at the time Mike and I both lived in Champaign. Ed Burmila lived in Madison Wisconsin (in a house with an amazing little bitch named Toby….at an address that to the best of my knowledge is still listed as the ginandtacos.com corporate headquarters). Fairly regularly Ed would flee from Toby and come and visit Mike and myself. About once a year we would decide that it would be funny to go out to Kams or CO Daniels for the evening- as a point of reference, this was never fun and or funny.

One particular time that this occurred we decided that we needed to either attempt to fit in or look ridiculous. I honestly can't remember the motivation. However, the result is firmly affixed in my brain.

mike purchased an exceptionally expensive pair of green pants (which he later returned) and a comic book t-shirt. I bought a pair of black vinyl pants and a Black Flag t-shirt. And Ed, Ed bought a System of a Down t-shirt and a pair of….that’s right, silver vinyl pants.

Your eyes aren’t deceiving you Ed, we have a picture of you in the pants thanks to Sylvia Rios

We wore these outfits to CO Daniels. We did not fit in, we did not have fun. We however decided that we did need to fit in. We proceeded to go to the campustown dance "club" Orchid- what is now Tonic, where, and I am not kidding I believe we all received compliments on our pants.

So now, in 2005…four or five years after this fateful night took place, Ed was the last remaining owner of his pants. Mike of course returned his- which was his plan all along- and I…well I must admit to frequently getting drunk and wearing my vinyl pants. They were cheap, they basically self destructed in a couple months.

Now some guy from Ebay is the proud owner of the silver pants. The frightening thing is that this man is one of the most disreputable Ebay patrons I have ever seen. He goes by the name r.not and has only three current feedback entries all of which are negative. Although I can't look at any of these auctions directly, I can only assume that they were all for "gothic" pants or shirts.

At one point or another in all of our lives we have been posed the question: What one item would you want to take with you to a desert island?

The motivation for asking such a thing typically ranges from innocent curiosity to some kind of perverse personality profiling.

Regardless, all of us would no doubt put some thought into it, and decide on something like music or the like. However, I fear that far too few of us would have the foresight of one Mr.

Oscar Goodman, the mayor of Las Vegas.

Mr. Goodman would bring…..

As much as you would like to think that we are, Ginandtacos.com is not making this up. Mr. Goodman is so adamant about his love for gin that he actually proclaimed to a classroom of schoolchildren (yes, this really happened) that

Mayor of Las Vegas kicking back at home with a glass of gin

Mr. Goodman responded to criticism by proclaiming that he did nothing more than tell the truth- beleiving that it would have been ridiculous for him to insinuate that he would bring anything other than gin. (a Teddy Bear or Bible were mentioned as non-viable dersert island gin alternatives.)

despite not wanting to take a teddy bear to a desert island one has been crafted to his likeness-complete with martini glass

The Mayor of Las Vegas's love of gin is no secret. He hosts regular "Martinis with the Mayor events" and is a sponsor of Bombay gin.

(He was originally approached by Beefeater but Bombay out bid them). When asked by reporters after the incident if he has a drinking problem, Mayor Goodman responded:

"Oh, absolutely not. I love to drink"….then left the interview.

Despite the fact that there is no word as to the mayors opinions on tacos, I would like to stamp the ginandtacos.

com seal of approval onto Mayor Oscar Goodman.

What with the recent Super Bowl and all, we in the United States are at risk of feeling that we have a monopoly on obsessive, ridiculous sports fandom.

Americans are known to engage in such absurd actions as painting their chests and going shirtless in subzero weather, rushing the field for no apparent reason (landing themselves in jail), engaging in fistacuffs with the opposing team members, and eating dangerously fattening snack foods and sausages.

Yet, through it all, have they ever…..REMOVED THEIR OWN TESTICLES?

You can obviously see the connection

So, this is apparently how it went down. This complete lunatic told his drinking buddies that in the event of a Welsh victory over England in the Six Nations Cup, he would in fact sever his own testicles. This comes as virtually no surprise considering the fact that:

a. I am sure similar amazingly stupid statements have been uttered at a wide variety of sporting events.

b. The man is Welsh…

The shocking part of this story is the simple fact that upon Wales ending up victorious the man apparently took some sharp implement to his balls, removed them, and returned to the bar to boast to his friends. I am sure the conversation went something like this.

Severed-balls man: Hey bitches, bet you think you're a fan of the Welsh national team but are any of you cocksuckers willing to remove your own testicles to prove your love of the sport?!?

severed-balls man extends his hand to reveal two freshly cut bits of manhood

Random Rugby fan: But you are aware that despite your pure love of rugby, you will now never be able to properly love a woman – or most likely a man in your case.

Severed-balls man: Oh fuck, you're right. Someone call an ambulance.

There is no word as of right now whether the hospital attempted to reattach the testicles or not.

According to the Daily Mirror: "He came back later wearing a kilt with his testicles in a bag," a fellow fan who was with Mr Huish at the social club told the Daily Mirror.

"He lifted the kilt up to show everyone what he had done. There was blood everywhere, it was terrible. That's when he collapsed."

Updates: According to The Scotsman Online: "Staff phoned the emergency services and put the testicles in a pint glass filled with ice cubes. "

And finally the mirror.co.uk: "He will need cosmetic surgery and may be given a prosthetic scrotum."

That said, down here in central Illinois we have a radio station 107.1 with the call WPGU. Having lived in this town for nearly 8 years now, I can say with near certainty that it spent the majority of its life sucking. I am not talking about your typical run of the mill sucking, I am referring to that rare and special, Dennis Miller trying to get the conservative viewers sucking.

We are talking about a radio station that would play whatever flaming pile of shit billboard had recently placed onto its top 40 list. Showing little regard for theme or continuity, the radio station resembled the musical equivilent of a portal to hell being cracked open on the Earth's surface spewing whatever minion of satan happened to be first in line.

So anyway…

You can imagine my surprise when sometime late last summer I tuned in to the station to find that they were playing music that I actually enjoyed. I thought that I had entered into some odd parallel universe. They were playing Elvis Costello, The Jam, The Dead Kennedys, and all sorts of other fantastic artists never before heard on 107.1 in its "The Planet" incarnation. I felt like the "Friends" on the episode with the free porn. I honestly believed that if I turned off the radio this magical dream would end and I would once again have to listen to Creed, or Hoobastank or whoever the hell it was that made 107.1 sound like a constipated old man after having eaten a Grande Meal from Taco Bell. However, I was thrilled to find out that this was not in fact a wonderful dream (the good music, not the constipated man) 107.1 had changed their format. The station actually had DJ's choosing music and talking about it instead of mindless computer generated shit.

Considering this, I was amazed to see that in the school newspaper today an opinion columnist was complaining about the new format and calling for a reversion to the "good old days" (yes, this time I am referring to the constipated man).

This blew my mind. It is one of those revelations that force you to rethink the entire framework of how you view the world. While I have always known of the existence of bands like Incubus, I have never truly been able to figure out how someone can listen to them. Much like attempting to reconcile how light can simultaneously be a wave and a particle, I had to make some assumptions.

Postulate 1:
Whereas Incubus et al. suck the ass of various domesticated and wild animals.
and Such musical groups have fans.
Said fans must have such ambivalence toward their music that it is impossible for them to have any deeply felt opinions.

Now, much as Einstein's photoelectric theory paved the way in quantum mechanics for a substance to be both a wave and a particle, Chris Kozak (ckozak@uiuc.edu) has come along, revolutionized the field, and forced us to think about the possibility of people simultaneously enjoying shitty music, and having an opinion about it.

It would seem useless for me to, at this point, attempt to refute Mr. Kozak's theories music and the like. If you agree with him, I would wonder how you ended up on this site in the first place. If you don't, the reasons why his article is exceptionally ridiculous should be abundantly apparent.

However, it seems like I would be shirking my responsibility if I did not at least point out some highlights.

The winners of 1992 who are apparently all that college students should be listening to.

"How many students regularly listen to or have even heard of bands like Ambulance Ltd., Rilo Kiley and Of Montreal? I certainly have not."

A lot. It is mysterious that he knows their names yet has not heard of them. Perhaps this fellow should realize that it is actually A GOOD THING that the student radio station is introducing people to new music that they have not heard before.

"Another common theme in Indie music is band names beginning with the word "The." Gracing the WPGU play list are songs from bands named The Delays, The Faint, The Good Life, The Music, The Postal Service, The Stills – and don't get confused now – The Thrills. Do you know these juggernauts? Me neither."

Well played sir, making fun of the typical them of "The" and a plural noun. Really, no one had noticed that before. I hear that effects how their music sounds. (oh yes, Incubus- the evil spirit that has sex with women as they sleep- is a fantastic band name) Let me take this moment to point out that it was here in the article that it became abundantly obvious that Mr. Kozak had simply looked at the WPGU current music list from their website and made whatever joke immediately came to mind.

What really got me, was the fact that this fellow seemed offended that the local radio station played local music he hadn't heard of.

This honestly made me sick. We have a fantastic music scene in this town. How are these local musicians to be expected to get any sort of following if the college station in their town won't play their music because a few assholes don't think it is a good party mix to drink Busch Light to?

For Christ's fucking sake, here is a list of local bands who have release fantastic albums recently (mostly in the last year)

Yes, I know I probably forgot some, but I made the list quickly. Still a decent list. We have great live venues like The Highdive, and for fucks sake, lets be thrilled that we now have a radio station that actually promotes the bands playing there.

As a final note: Jesus Christ, Chris Kozak could you have any worse taste? Oh wait yes, you could, in your previous column you were lamenting the loss of R&R's and the Shark Bowl. Please just graduate quickly and leave this town as fast as you possibly can.

Letters in the Daily Illini today in response:
Erik Kraft– "Where's Hootie"
Jim Finnerty, program director at WPGU -"Letter: to WPGU listeners"

We can be almost certain that this is one of those times where we are supposed to be shocked and appalled. We are meant to be in a state of outrage at how horribly misled we were by the liberal media- at least this is what I think I should be feeling.

I imagine that I would have been slightly upset to learn that CBS did "possibly" have a political agenda when they ran a story about George Bush's National Guard service if it hadn't been painfully obvious from the beginning that they had a political agenda all along. If anyone in this country gave even the tiniest of shits about what Dan Rather and CBS had to say maybe I would care a little more. If it weren't for the fact that all of us fundamentally have the gut feeling that there is , in fact, something amazingly dubious about Mr. Bush's military service then perhaps I would take the time out of my only moderately busy schedule to be slightly bothered.

All this aside, I am actually kind of impressed by how the CBS report is being handled. Perhaps media outlets are too wrapped up in being scandalized by Randy Moss's display of pantomime mooning during the Vikings/ Packers game, or perhaps it is because in their hearts they know that despite the fact that this particular document was forged, the general theme was probably true. This we will never know.

Traditional assclown extraordinaire Chris Matthews seemed to take up some kind of preemptive position. Does anyone know where this Jackass stands politically, because I sure as hell can't figure it out? He apparently was proclaiming that talk radio was going to instantly lambaste the report for being soft on Dan Rather. He also seemed to be making fun of the bizarrely conservative nature of America’s highways- insinuating that the airwaves would be locked up with truckers calling Limbaugh to complain about the "liberal media."

Limbaugh however took a somewhat uexpected, mild tone. Instead of commenting that the report was inaccurate or biased, he was largely talking about how no one media outlet can influence the American mindset. He took this opportunity to point out that Dan Rather, as opposed to being some great liberal mastermind, is just disconnected and irrelevant.

It is amazing how after the election, when he no longer has to stump for Bush, Limbaugh has decided to again enter the realm of the moderately sane and self aggrandizing and forego his former position of complete fat deaf lunatic. I honestly believe that due to his position prior to the 2000 election that Limbaugh hates George Bush nearly as much as he hates the "dems" and "libs". To be perfectly fair, any liberal minded individual who is frustrated by how castrated and ineffectual modern liberals seem might actually find themselves agreeing with this ridiculous bastard quite often.

Poor fellow even looks a bit like Tom Daschle…

My favorite comment on this situation was made by the Chicago reporter for the ABC affiliate WLS am, Jim Johnson. He was thrilled that media bias was out in the open. This is where I always have stood on this issue. I want my media as biased as is physically possible. I want to know exactly where a particular outlet stands before I waste my time watching listening or reading.

Jim Johnson was not frustrated that CBS might be liberal but rather that organizations like Fox continue to maintain that they are "fair and balanced." Its true. I have no problem with Fox being conservative, it is the absurd claim that they are not that makes me want to take out Rupert Murdock with a 12 gauge. With Bill OReilly and Sean Hannity prancing around in some astounding display of little bitchery while proclaiming that they represent the truth and an unbiased opinion, it is all I can do to keep my bowels from rupturing.

Anyway, take it as you will. CBS might or might not be liberal. Lets hope they are. Dan Rather might or might not have had anything to do with this debacle- does anyone care?

To pretend that media is ever unbiased is about the most ridiculous thing that I have ever heard. Was there really a need for an outside investigation? Could CBS have just fired the people they knew screwed up months ago and said "Yes, we are liberal- fuck you. If you don't like it, you are probably watching Fox anyway."

As people were leaving for a holiday weekend (I am pretty sure this is about every other weekend there) in Madrid, 5 bombs went off. This is your good ol' classic terrorism. The terrorists politely called and informed the police that they were placing bombs in gas stations on highways leading away from Madrid. They even correctly informed the police that the bombs were going to go off at 5:30pm.

Yes, that’s right. The Basque separatists are back to inform the world that there are terrorist groups in places other than the Middle East. Also seemingly showing those Al Qaeda bastards what good gentlemanly terrorism is supposed to look like.

More to the point, I have been listening to conservative pundits this morning informing their elderly am radio listening audience that this should be taking as proof that the Spaniards are idiots. Yes, I know what you are thinking. There is a lot of truth to this statement. On the whole, I think the Spanish are highly untrustworthy (primarily due to several I have had in classes with me, and yes, I am judging an entire nation based upon the actions of three individuals one of whom I later found out was from Argentina- this is not the point). The moral is, people like Roger Hedgecock, (I think) who is guest hosting Rush Limbaugh's show today, has insinuated that this is due to Spain's electoral response to terrorism and their pull or support from Iraq. Clearly this is evidence by the fact that bombs have exploded in Madrid but not New York.

One can only hope this is an opinion only held by the most insane and uninformed of conservatives. I honestly believe that if Mr. Limbaugh himself had been hosting the show he would have shot down callers insinuating this connection. That man isn't quite as insane as people give him credit for.

This whole situation did get me thinking about the stat e of terrorism in the world today. You have the ETA, Hamas, and to a lesser degree anymore the IRA. These groups actually have some kind of nationalist agenda. The ETA and IRA both have publicly denounced terrorist attacks resulting in civilian casualties- claiming said practices are counter productive. The key to these groups is that they actually want something. They consider themselves soldiers for their "nation". Now you look at Al Qaeda. Can someone tell me what the hell these people want?

Is there really anything that we can do other than attempt to kill them all?

Is George Bush actually right on this one? I refuse to believe this. Back in high school I remember reading an op ed article relating to terrorism in the UK that postulated the obvious.

Terrorism is bred from economic desperation.
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People with nice houses and large imported cars tend to not want to blow themselves up. Is this just my western bias? I don't know, but my gut instinct is sending our military into the Middle East and making their situation even more desperate is not helping the situation.

Any thoughts?

It seems that since November 2nd, that Canada's main immigration website had recieved nearly 5 times as many hits from the United States as is typical.

When I first heard this I naturally assumed that NetZero's "Candidate Zero" advertising compain had really paid off. Really, what other explaination could there possibly be for both Ginandtacos and the Canadian immigration website to get an increase in hits? We have nothing in common… or do we?

No, upon reading the article it became clear that no, 5 times as many people did not obtain internet access in the United States in the last week. This is just another pathetic example of distraught democrats thinking about expatriation.

It is kind of sad really. Over 100,000 people decided they wanted to look into moving to Canada. Yes, you know, because its better there. What with the not having George Bush and all.

I have one question for all of you potential expatriates. Is Canada really the best you can do?

First of all lets look at all the old European standbys.

Follow in Ernest Hemmingway's footsteps, move to France!

French Embassy in the United States

I am not going to lie to you. Getting a visa for a long stay and employment in France is one of the hardest you are going to find. Of course, and this is going to apply to any country you go to the more educated (beyond just a bachelor's degree) you are, or the more specialized your skill set, the better your chances. Considering the fact that all of us liberals are highly educated intellectuals we should have no problem….right? More to the point, French immigration gives special consideration to scientists and scholars looking to work in higher education.

That said, think of the rewards! If true America hating is your passion, there is no better recourse than moving to france. Honestly though, the country has an expectionally relevant green and socialist party (former prime minister Lionel Jospin for example). They are a country with legalized civil unions, and get this…a 35 hour work week. Good times.

Add on to this a passion for food, wine, and cycling and you have yourself a far superior option to Canada.

So maybe you are afraid to learn a new language. Try this, move to the UK.

workpermit.com

Although the UK may outwardly seem like the are allied with Mr. Bush, that is really quite far from the truth. If you have any doubt, look here. Truth is, far fewer of them support all these aburd goings on that our goverments have been conspiring on than we do.

On the downside, their food sucks, it is generally cold and rainy, and you would need to learn the rules to Cricket.

However, there are some positives. Even when preaching the same insane rhetoric is George Bush, for some reason Tony Blair left me with less of a feeling of impending doom. Oh, and let us not forget that their beer is pretty damn good and, to aid in its consumption, they have a far more liberal definition of the term "alcoholic" over there.

From the research that I have done, it looks like you might actually have a chance of getting in as well. They have a new "points based system" for highly skilled labor and another system, sector based, system that allows working into specific sectors where a need has arisen. Looks like a pretty good option to me. Plus, I kind of like British food.

Looking for something More exotic?

Try immigrating to New Zealand.

"new Kiwi.com"
New Zealand Immigration

This would not have been my first choice, but hey, its good enough for Peter Jackson. They are pretty fucking close to Australia, speak English, make some fantastic wine, and word on the street is that they have already gotten 10,000 new visa aplications from americans since November 2nd. Who knows? New Zealand might be the new mecca for American expatriats.

But don't be limited by what you see here, the sky is the limit. What about Argentina, Morroco or Mongolia… East Timor. All of these might prove better options then living another 4 years with George Bush.

Oh, but remember to come back or cast an absentee ballot in 2006.

With just a little over a week remaining before we have a go at electing a president, huge quantities of people still think that George Bush is doing a fine job with whatever the hell it is he is doing in Iraq. In fact, 46% at the end of September.

At least the trend is promising….oh no wait, no its not. People are actually beginning to think that things are improving? Perhaps my complete and utter confusion will be somewhat mitigated by more polling data.

From the week Oct. 14-16.

• 47% of people think that it was a mistake to send troops
• 54% think that is wasn't worth going
• 47% think that we were deliberately misled.
• oh…. and just to top things off a bit, 42% of people seem to be under the impression that Sadaam Hussein was personally involved in the September 11th terrorist attacks.

To add some perspective, and I know that these numbers vary a lot depending on your particular poll, the Gallup poll has George Bush leading by a margin of 52% to 44%.

I feel there is no possible way I am reading this correctly. Do you see what I am saying? This actually means that there are people out there that think that it was a mistake to invade Iraq, and who in fact believe that George Bush deliberately misled us, and who aren't voting for Kerry.

Well ginandtacos.com thinks that some people need some reminder that things in Iraq are more fucked than cheap a internet cam whore.

I know we have probably all heard that over the weekend 49 unarmed Iraqi soldiers (you know, the ones we are training to take our place) were executed by insurgents. There is no joke here, this is just sad.

However, another pathetic story that is not being widely covered has shown up in the New York Times today. Yes, I know they are all fucking liberal communist terrorists over there and we ought not trust a word out of their mouths, but who knows. They might be on to something here

Just in case you didn't read that correctly, I will type it again, 380 tons of explosives. And yes, apparently somebody just walked off with them- possibly concealing them beneath a trenchcoat or something. How else could they have gotten past the American guards with 380 TONS of explosives?

Oh wait, nevermind, we weren't guarding it. I suppose that it is because we were unaware that it existed until after the weapons were gone. Nope, we have known about this facility since the mid 80's.

How does George Bush feel about this? Who knows? It is apparently unclear whether or not anyone even bothered to tell him.

I guess this doesn't matter to the 46% of people who think that the war is going Very Well/Moderately Well.

Have fun November 2nd!

Well ginandtacos.com viewers, all of our favorite pandering assclown is at it again.

Mr. O'Reilly was outraged yesterday. He claimed that Andrea Mackris, a producer at fox news was attempting to shake him down. Although one could be led to beleive from Mackris's complaint displayed at Thesmokinggun.com that while on the phone with Mackris he was "shaking himself down".

This is quite a development in the realm of exceptionally absurd news. Whether or it true or not, Miss Mackris's claims read like an exceptionally poorly written romance novel. Perhaps nearly on the level of O'Reilly's own novel Those Who Trespass.

For anyone who has seen the O'Reilly Factor, or possibly read the book The O'Reilly Factor For Kids should understand why, whether true or not, this is exceptionally funny.

"Ann, you ever been to Thailand? I have, damn, this girl I saw in a sex show there did things to me in the back room that blew my mind.

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"

"Hey baby, why don't you and I go to the carribean. I'd take a shower with you right away I would take that little loofa thing and kinda' soap up your back… rub it all over you, ret you to relax, hot water…and..um..all the tension would drain out. I would kinda' rub your tummy a little bit with it, and then with my other hand I would start to massage your boobs, get your nipples really hard…"

*all taken nearly verbatim from Miss Mackris's complaint

I think you see where this is going. We can all only hope that this is a long protracted legal battle.
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You just can't make shit like this up.

I would like to thank Terpsboy for some fantastic Bill O'Reilly picture.

The year was 1993. The grunge music was popular, Bill Clinton had recently been elected president, and Richard Linklater had just completed the movie Dazed and Confused. The marijuana and hallucinogenic drug consuming subculture was treated to a film that would, for years to come be viewed by stoned teenagers and college students who would stare vacantly at the screen and giggle uncontrollably for no apparent reason.

These were good times

This is possibly one of the best crafted high school, cult followed, viewed by stoners movies to ever have been made. Honestly, the basic premise of the movie is that it is the last day of school and the kids are going to go to a party, then they are going to go see Aerosmith… Really, that’s it.

Yet, between the fact that it had every actor that was going to become famous in the next 5 years in it, and that the plot basically made no apologies for the fact that it was just a bunch of people having a good time for an hour and a half, it managed to come off as incredibly refreshing as opposed to moronic.

Now the year is 2004. 11 years after the movie initially was released.
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Three men in Santa Fe, NM are suing claiming their character has been defamed.

That’s right, apparently Wooderson, Andy Slater, and Richard "Pink" Floyd were actual classmates of Richard Linklater. Looking back it all makes perfect sense. These characters were so much of cliches that they had to actually be real people. In other words, a writer clearly would have made more effort if he were not basing it off actual acquaintances of his.

Where does one begin to discuss the absurdity of this lawsuit? Is it at the point where they chose to file it 11 years after the movie was released?

Or is it when realizing that these three men have never left the town in which they attended high school- thus fulfilling the movie's prophecy.

I think perhaps I will just leave it with this.
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"Pink" Floyd works at a car dealership, Andy Slater does construction and remodeling, and Wooderson has some nondescript job in the "technology sector." One is only left to assume that if a sequel to the movie were to be made, these three men's lives could still be used to inspire the characters based on them.