Author: Erik

These, as Salon.com puts it, are very apt terms to describe a man who engages in sexual practices with a doll. When examining the notion of a "sex doll" imagery of the blow up doll with gaping mouth frequently used as comic relief in shameless films comes to mind. However, it would seem that the company Real Doll has been attempting to change this stereotype since 1996. That's right, for around 00.

00 you could have a "life like" sex doll crafted with state of the art "Hollywood special effects technology".

Historically speaking, ginandtacos.com has introduced its readers to a vast array of stories that could be said to make fun of themselves. That said, when I first became aware of this phenomenon when reading a story on Salon.com I realized that never before had something been so instrinsically ridiculous as to need no further fun making.

So then, as opposed to actually making any sort of attempt at degrading these people's "lifestyles" I will instead try to explain to you how I came to the conclusion that this is the single most absurd thing ever posted on ginandtacos.com.

All right then….

To start, when I clicked on the story, I was greeted by this photo:

Yes, this man clearly spent $6500 on the worlds most realistic sex doll

This man….is playing video games with his sex doll. He gave his sex doll a controller? I began reading the article and found out that he has named the doll Sidore and discribes it as being "…everything that turns him on: beautiful, loyal, a great listener." Yes, I know that in its own right, this is creepy. However we soon find out that the doll is half british half Japanese, has the atrological sign Cancer, and get ready for it…..IS A GOTH. The owner of this particular doll, named Davecat, is also goth, has a very bizzare anglophile obsession (I am led to believe that he speaks in a fake British accent), thinks that his doll is an intellectual who, it if could, would walk around with Sylvia Plath books under her/its arms, and sadly believes that "No real woman seems to think I'm good enough for them."

Now, correct me if I am wrong, but this is already exceptionally absurd. However, the article proceeds to regale you with tales of others' doll experiences. We find out that some people have multiple dolls and choose particular ones for particular sex acts. We get the advice from Mike Kelly that "Head 4 is very tight orally. It has a small mouth if you've got a Head 4/Body 5 …
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you've pretty much got it covered. Tight as a drum."

So as you can imagine, at this point I am treading a very fine line between thinking that this is hysterical and being exceptionally creeped out. This is when I notice that the story has a photo gallery. I proceed to see a picture of two dolls posed on a bed. The caption informed me that the owner claims that they are sisters. He does not have sex with them, he just likes posing them and taking pictures – yes, that is clearly what happens.

Finally, a story related by a man who specializes in repairing the dolls:

Another time, an Asian undergraduate student at a university in California dropped his 1-year-old doll off for repairs. Fiero says the young man told him that his parents bought him the doll so that he would stay at home and study rather than go out chasing women. Fiero's photographs of the damaged doll make me cringe: Her leg was torn off, revealing the steel hardware of her hip joints; an arm hung by an inch of silicone flesh; two fingers were severed; and the cleavage between her buttocks was torn into a ragged crevasse.

"Her vagina was so blown out," Fiero told me.
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"I was appalled. I couldn't believe someone could fuck something like that up so quickly. It blew me away. How could somebody be so callous? I was offended in so many ways," he continues. "He put her feet behind her head and reamed that doll with whatever cock he's got. He fucked her violently. She was achieving positions she shouldn't achieve or be forced to try. Her vagina and anus were a giant gaping hole."

Well, basically this article is about 8000 words worth of viceral, amusing, and incredibly disturbing imagery. As a final note, he sells about 2 million dollars worth of these a year.

If you are interested in being truely creeped out, read the Realdoll.com FAQ. I honestly could not read any more than a fraction of it before I had to close the browser. My feelings about this can be best described by the Big Lebowski quote:

**It has come to my attention that some ginandtacos.com readers believe this entry to be immature and cruel. Once again, it would seem that people found themselves focusing on the one point wherein they could utilize all their worthless pent up reactionary energy, thereby completely missing out on actual meaning. So, for all of you who are too amazingly stupid to read between the lines, I will spell out for you what it was I was talking about.

I have not written anything for ginandtacos for quite some time now. Last week I began writing something that turned into an exceptionally long, more than likely quite boring, description of "intelligent design.
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" Perhaps if in the future I can manage to get it to be more amusing and less depressing I might post it. That said, I have decided that my first post will not be visiting any type of intellectual subject. Rather, I will talk about how exceptionally fucking ugly Deleese Williams is.
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Mrs. Williams is in fact so ugly that she applied for the show Extreme Makeover on ABC. For those few of you who are unfamiliar (consider yourselves lucky) this show involves everything surgery and style can muster to make someone who was previously unattractive into someone who is marginally less hideous. That said, amongst all the heinously beastly people in the world (celebrity mom's excluded) one would have to assume that you would have to be near to the top of stack of painfully mirror shattering ugly to make it onto this show.
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Presumably Deleese Williams was

I know the picture is of fairly low quality, but the accompanying article makes a point of telling us that she has:

"[a] deformed jaw, crooked teeth, droopy eyes and tiny boobs"

If there is a moral to the story it is that in the end her "procedure" was going to take longer than the time frame allotted by the reality television program. Hence, her makeover was cancelled and she had to return to Texas (in her words) "as ugly as I left? I was supposed to come home pretty."

Well, she did not come home pretty. As a result, she is suing ABC. Amongst the claims:

• The network intentionally humiliated Deleese Williams
• The network broke its contract with Deleese by not making "payment" for the humiliation
• The network caused Deleese's sister to OD on pills booze and cocaine

Yep…that’s about it.

Oh, right. Did I forget to mention the Cocaine, booze, and pills. Yeah, that’s a central player. Apparently her sister was so distraught about the derogatory things she had said that she developed a Cocaine, booze and pills habit.

Now…that’s about it.

In a stellar display of "actual science" researchers at UCLA and Cal Tech have located what they beleive to be a "Jennifer Aniston neuron". That's right, a epiletic research patient was shown to have neuron the fired specifically in recognition of Jennifer Aniston and only Jennifer Aniston.

It is presumed that this neuron is designed to recognize one individual person, or specifically in this case:

Even more disturbing is the fact that they seem to have also located a "Friends" neuron. I am not talking about a neuron that recognizes people with whom you are friendly, but rather a specific neuron devoted to recognizing reference to the situational comedy "Friends.

" The concept is really quite simple.
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Basically, when you are exposed to stimuli a number of neurons fire as a result. These neurons map to sort of a matrix of "learning" neurons.

As time passes, and you are exposed to the same basic stimuli over and over again, this matrix shrinks. Essentially it can be said that your brain is getting more adapted to recognizing what you are looking at, hearing, smelling, ect. The logical end to this process would be that after repeated, brain numbing exposure to something your brain would adapt to the point where a single neuron fired in recognition of a particular set of stimuli- in this case Jennifer Aniston, and also the show Friends.

Now, the logical end to this post is to conclude that it is both disturbing and exceptionally amusing that the first time scientists were able to locate such a fantastically adapted neuron it was adapted, not to recognize your wife, girlfriend, or grandmother, but Jennifer Aniston and the situational comedy Friends (two seperate neurons by the way). So if ever we are asked if our culture has been saturated with celebrity, we now know the answer…

as well as the answer to some important questions about brain mechanics.

If you think that this is all been made up, here is the original research in pdf format. The publication Nature is the single most well respected source in the scientific community. Having papers published there means very rigorous peer review as well as groundbreaking work.

Have fun.

When people around the world came together earlier this year to send millions of dollars in cash and resources to Asia to assist the victims of the tsunami, it was my understanding that the aid was generally appreciated. However, it would seem that Sri Lanka's government has found a new and unique way to appreciate the aid.

The charity Oxfam has been instrumental in attempting the rebuild the country and has imported 25 large all terrain vehicles from India to get the job done in remote locations. You would think that the government would love the fact that there are independent organizations willing to help rebuild their country.
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However, I guess they decided that the best course of action was to charge them upwards of

For the privlege of helping them out. Although this seems ridiculous, the government is claiming it is regular import duties. Somehow I guess the trucks that are being used to transport aid workers and supplies around the country are viewed in the same light as all other imported goods.
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It is not like the government of Sri Lanka is completely out of its mind. (I am sure the 00 dollars a day storage fee Oxfam is having to pay while the paperwork is processed is par for the course) Nonprofit organizations get the chance to apply for these taxes to be waived.
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Their request was denied.

While we here at ginandtacos are still confused by the logic employed by three amateur film makers utilizing fluorescent lights and gasoline to make lightsabers, those of you in the United Kingdom aren't sitting on your laurels. It would seem that you have become insanely jealous of the special breed of stupidity that has until recently called the United States home.

Not to be outdone by American drunken, ridiculous behavior, two men in London seem to have become stuck in the mud.

Apparently, in the middle of some midday bender this British fellow decides that he desperately needs to walk to the edge of the Thames. Because, you know, they were going to frolic in the water… or something. Obviously my first reaction to this story was that these two men were clearly American tourists. However, this was apparently native British idiocy.

Thats right, it is the kind of idiocy where after one drunken man decided to walk to the river and get stuck in the mud, his friend figured he was in possession of special "but I can walk ON TOP OF THE MUD" powers. Yes, he proceeded to go out after the first guy. One can't fully understand this reasoning, but one nearby houseboat resident described them as "definitely drunk" and proclaimed the situation to be "pretty funny". I am glad that at least on this point we are in agreement.

As citizens of the United States, the authors of Ginandtacos.
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com have always prided themselves on living in the coutry that is one of the world leaders in bad ideas. Whether that be Prohibition or electing George Bush a second time, we have always been on the forefront.
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While we in the United States sat idly by and only used gasoline for powering sport utility vehicles and disposing of the occasional incriminating document, a British trio has taken creative liscense with this flammable liquid and used it to create "lightsabers".

I will be the first to admit that I am not the most avid follower of Star Wars movies, but I don't recall lightsabers looking like they were on fire. Despite this, I am fairly certain the logic went something like this:

Although it seems sick and wrong to laugh at these two amateur "filmmakers" injuries, I am not sure if they have left us with much choice. I mean honestly, they filled a glass tube with gasoline and then exposed it to open flames. Perhaps in England this qualifies as lightsaber, but in the rest of the world it is called a bomb.
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That said, I hope that authorities don't eventually release the footage of this "scene".
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I really think that it is in my best interest not to see this happen.

In case anyone was curious, or perhaps in doubt, it would seem that a new study confirms that a vast majority of university faculty claim to be "liberal."

Robert Lichter, a professor at George Mason University and a co-author of the study apparently find most shocking the fact that there is not a single discipline at the Univeristy level which can boast a majority of conservatives.

Apparently, now hold your breath because this is really going to come as a shock to you, Literature and Philosophy faculty were…..

the most liberal.

Oh, and another point, the better the university, the more liberal its faculty is.
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This is um…well…not actually all that interesting.