NPF: LITE SNACK

Posted on | by Ed

The real NPF is on the way, but until then please enjoy the following:

1. A gentleman in Mississippi claims to have shot the Chupacabra. The local newspaper's coverage includes quotes like:

The Mississippi Department of Wildlife and Fisheries reports the "Chupacabra" is a coyote with mange.

Locals, however, are not having any of it.
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"I told him there ain't no way because, look at it," Hewharrell said.

I don't know how in the hell anyone can be a local newspaper reporter in Mississippi.

2. Rush Limbaugh wrote a history-adventure book for children. Only 102 shopping days until Christmas.

21 thoughts on “NPF: LITE SNACK”

  • Dbp says:

    "Hur dur that don't look familyer to me" is pretty much the basis for all cryptozoological claims. Well that and poorly understood "historical" accounts.

    There have actually been a lot of "chupacabras" that had DNA testing done to them. All of them turned out to be sick canids. It's amazing that an animal losing its hair makes it a monster. If any of you remember the "Montauk monster" (if not google image search it), you'll probably remember some claimed it to be an escaped mutant from a government lab. Turns out it was just a hairless raccoon as identified by actual zoologists.
    It's amazing how normal dipshits always seem to have dipshitty answers to mundane mysteries.

  • wetcasements says:

    My dad lives in rural Washington state and I love reading his small-town newspaper online for a laugh. Drunks getting into fistfights, meth labs exploding, wingnuts losing their shit in the comment section when the county government spends 200 dollars to fix a stoplight.

    Good times.

  • c u n d gulag says:

    "I don't know how in the hell anyone can be a local newspaper reporter in Mississippi."

    There aren't a whole hell of a lot of jobs in that state.

    So, if you find that you're self-aware and at least semi-literate, you have only three choices, the first of which is obvious:
    -Move to another state, to get away from the morons who are all around you.
    Or, if you decide you want to stay:
    -Dumb yourself down to fit in, and find some menial job.
    -Or, you can report on the morons all around you – and get paid for being entertained by the parade of goobers whose families trees consists of one branch.

    I'm sure there are highly intelligent and liberal people in that state.
    But I'm getting old, so I'll leave looking for them to others who have more stamina than I have at this point in my life.

  • Anonymouse says:

    "wingnuts losing their shit in the comment section when the county government spends 200 dollars to fix a stoplight"

    @wetcasements: it's not just the rural areas. I live in a coastal state, but up until about 50 years ago, my oceanfront county was very, very rural. Our local county and big city newspapers (I am 20 minutes in any direction from big, huge cities) are filled with the same wingnuts losing their shit over stupid stuff. Contrariwise, one of our delegates was just arrested for DWI immediately after being arrested for boating while intoxicated and following the police being called out for domestic violence while intoxicated. He's blaming it all on gays getting married, and the wingnuts approve and think he's a fine human being.

  • Xecky Gilchrist says:

    Rush Limbaugh wrote a history-adventure book for children.

    Reusing the artwork that didn't make the cut for his "Two if by Tea" silliness. That's being fiscally conservative!

  • mothra says:

    Ah, El Chupacabra. It's not just Mississippi. Here in Albq. one of our news stations (or maybe all of them) routinely do "Chupacabra Watch" stories. Granted, it's all tongue-in-cheek, but they do it to get ratings. Don't even get me started on the week-long special one station did recently of a group of people who have been following the "Jemez Bigfoot." That special WAS NOT tongue-in-cheek.

  • Robert says:

    The linked article on Limbaugh refers to him as a "degenerate rodeo clown". The comments are full of dittoheads beeping and honking about the article's writer.

    I picked the wrong week to run out of popcorn.

  • BigHank53 says:

    Rush would last about six seconds as a rodeo clown, then be gored to death by an enraged bull. Better make sure someone has a high-speed HD camera handy, 'cause there's a lot of people that wouldn't want to miss a millisecond of it.

  • Davis X. Machina says:

    I think Rush'd last far longer than that. He's familiar with nearly every species of bull, and chances are, whatever's after him is someone related.

  • J. Dryden says:

    Mr. Limbaugh's book series will continue, I trust, with titles like "Today I Learned To Work The Sheet Press: A Lad of Six At His First Job In The Gilded Age" or "The Lucky Little African: A Boat-ride To The Magical Land Of Opportunity."

    Soon to be followed up with "Sitting Bull's Wacky Injun Casino And How It Made Everything OK On The Reservation," and "Forgive Them? Forget It! Hero Jesus's Battle At Lexington To Prevent Socialized Medicine."

    Followed by "The Adventures of Dred Scott, or How I Finally Found A Home," "A Railway Car of My Very Own!: Plessy's Awesome Day At the Supreme Court" and, for the brave of heart, "The Sinister Susan Anthony and her Legion of Lesbian Doom" and "My Minister Is A Communist Clone!: The Terrible Attack of MLK and His Army of Negros."

  • Anonymouse says:

    @Bob, sorry, I was one of the revelers who was making your life hell today. I was dressed in costume; perhaps you saw me? LOL I live in Millersville. If they would only allow a right turn on red from 178 onto Crownsville Road, much of the endless traffic would be taken care of (especially since the hospital's been closed for a kajillion years at this point). One of the more frustrating things about Annapolis (and a lot of AA Cty) is their conservative belief that nothing should ever change, including the lights and the roads that were unable to deal with the traffic 30 years ago.

  • Bob says:

    @Anonymous: No problem – I have attended RenFest many a time over the years. It's just typical of the county which seems to be governed by people determined to turn it into Northern Virginia.
    Why bother increasing road capacity when population is booming?
    Anyway, I occasionally stop by Ramshead Roadhouse or the Harbor Hideaway. Swing by sometime.

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