I HATE EVERY APE I SEE, FROM CHIM-PAN-A TO CHIMPANZEE

"Troy, it's MacArthur Parker…..I've got a hot part for you. Ever hear of Planet of the Apes?"

"The movie or the planet?"
"The new Broadway musical starring you as…the human."

"IT'S THE ROLE I WAS BORN TO PLAY!"

There comes a time in every man's life at which he realizes, "Yes, this is clearly the role I was born to play." Replace "man" with "band" and you could say that moment has arrived for Tremendous Fucking.

Mark the calendars, kids. On Saturday, April 29 at the fabulous Second Story Nightclub in even-more-fabulous Bloomington the annual Monroe County Humane Association benefit show sets the stage aflame with rock awesomeness. I could give you a list of bands and urge you to come. That might persuade you and it might not. But before you decide, try this on: the show has been painstakingly organized as a Touch & Go tribute.

MacArthur Parker called us and said "Ever hear of the Jesus Lizard?" to which we replied "The son of God or the reptile?" After a moment's confusion, it suddenly became clear that we are now the Jesus Lizard. At least for one night. It is beyond any shadow of a doubt the role we were born to play.

While this should be more than enough to convince you to cancel the prom, call a babysitter, sell your home, and come to the show I'd be remiss if I didn't add that also appearing will be Brainiac (Sump Pumps) and Shellac (Push-Pull). Who knows, some other surprise guests may end up on stage as well.

With no false modesty, I can't begin to tell you how much ass this is going to rock. I'm giving you an unconditional "No bands-who-didn't-practice" guarantee, which is crucial to the execution of any tribute show. We have been sequestered in the TremLair diligently pounding away at a face-melting selection of JL songs.

If you close your eyes, you can almost picture David Yow wagging his exposed genitals in your face. Upon opening them you will be relieved to find out that it is merely a clothed Pat Hawkins.

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