DIVIDING BY ZERO

Is there any refrain more tired or more effective at immediately halting your desire, need, or social obligation to pay attention to the words coming out of someone's mouth than the phrase "with my tax dollars"?

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It simultaneously betrays the speaker's wildly inflated sense of self-importance and the presence of deep seated issues with the basic concept of living in a society with other people.
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Leaving aside the fact that 99% of Americans, and certainly all of those lazy enough to rely on such a stupid talking point, don't have the slightest idea how tax dollars are actually spent (I think 75% is paid out to teenage immigrant unwed mothers and the remaining 25% is funneled through the National Endowment for the Arts to support preverted and blasphemous sculpture) the idea that we get to pick and choose what we do and do not wish to pay for is, well, retarded.

But that doesn't stop tax bitchers, many of whom are unafraid of rolling up their pants and wading boldly into Lake Retarded. The latest meme, helpfully regurgitated by the non-partisan and objective journalists on the right, is the "I morally object to 'my tax dollars' being used to fund abortions!"

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Don't worry, teabaggers. It is literally impossible for your tax dollars to fund abortions.
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Or anything else. Because there is a very, very good chance that you're not paying a fucking dime in Federal income tax. This year, 47% of households filing with the IRS will have a Federal income tax obligation of zero. For incomes under $50,000 (which describes more than half of households in the country) a whopping 69.5% will pay not one dime, with the remaining 30% paying something on the order of 15% on the fraction of their income which will qualify as taxable.

Stop for a minute and let that sink in. Think of all the wailing and gnashing of teeth, the screaming teabaggers, the stupid protests, and the open talk about the need for someone to murder the President or at least depose him.

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Those right-wing drones sure can make a lot of noise but as sure as the Pope wears a funny hat, there is a greater than 50% chance that these mouthbreathers won't be paying a penny in hated income taxes this year.

I realize that these people are almost comically immune to facts and their conception of "taxes" they pay "the government" is an amalgam of entitlement programs (Medicaid, SSI) and non-Federal obligations like property taxes. Nonetheless, this would seem to be a pertinent piece of information to provide tp your asshole coworker who, despite your repeated and increasingly desperate entreaties, will not turn down the damn Glenn Beck.

13 thoughts on “DIVIDING BY ZERO”

  • "Is there any refrain more tired or more effective at immediately halting your desire, need, or social obligation to pay attention to the words coming out of someone’s mouth than the phrase “with my tax dollars”? It simultaneously betrays the speaker’s wildly inflated sense of self-importance and the presence of deep seated issues with the basic concept of living in a society with other people."

    Granted. I would argue however that there are a few exceptions that prove this rule.

    For example, I absolutely will not shy away from using the "not with my tax dollars" phrase as it relates to the public funding of professional sports stadiums and arenas. Owners of professional sports franchises are clearly aware that cities face a classic prisoners dilemma and they've played them against each other to magnificent effect, right?

    With the exception of the publicly-owned Green Bay Packers, California and other top media markets like New York and Boston who are free to tell the owners of their sports franchises to fuck off, tax payers really do risk losing their sports team to relocation unless they pony up tax dollars. Seattle to Oklahoma City? Are you fucking kidding me?

    Here is Minnesota we've played this game over the last 20 years with all four of the major professional sports: The Minnesota North Stars, Timberwolves, Twins and now the Vikings. At this point and in this economy, I have no problem telling the Vikings to fuck off for greener pastures.

  • I agree with you on the inflammatory language, misunderstanding of tax distribution and political pandering based on false information. However I do think it is important for people to contact their congresspeople about issues they believe in. It isn't wrong to remind your legislators that you are opposed to abortion or whatever – they represent your interests (at least theoretically). Enough phone calls and emails really do influence their thinking.

    One would hope that our complaints are based in fact, and not Fox News style rhetoric. Nonetheless it is good and important for congresspeople to be reminded that they do, in fact, work for us.

  • Low-income workers do pay 7.65% of every penny they make in FICA and Medicare taxes, and their employers pay another 7.65%, which presumably keeps their wages lower than they would be in the absence of those taxes, so you could argue that low-wage workers pay a minimum of 15.3% of every cent they make, regardless of whether they pay any federal income tax.

  • Huh. That number was an eye-opener. So then who pays for all the SSBNs, Trident missiles, foreign wars, and all the fancier mil hardware this country likes to play with?

    Don't tell me it's corporate taxes; they're rumored to be among the lowest in the world. Plus, you get to transfer your profits to offshore havens, then bring them back every few years, when Uncle Sam issues a 'tax amnesty.'

  • Good post. I do agree that too many Americans indulge in the national pastime of relying upon ignorance and superstition as the basis of their arguments. As a social experiment I would like to see the question rephrased as, "Can you promise that my tax dollars will not fund overseas military misadventures?" Years ago, I read about a motion to allow tax payers to designate where their money went. Interesting concept, that, except it is stillborn politically.

  • Blakenator: Yeah, that's not gonna happen any time soon. But maybe a more realistic path is a modest beginning — start by asking businesses and employers to show, on their employees' paychecks, a breakdown of their tax contributions by gov't department or program. Telling people how much of their salary went to fund the needless F-22 or subsidies to 'farmers' may open their eyes a bit more.

  • SamInMpls – Holy crap! Somebody call the wahmbulence! Large corporations (which is what sports franchises are) have been getting cities, counties, and states to suck their proverbial dicks tax-wise since the beginning of time! The stated reason is more jobs in the area, but it's obviously a lot more complicated (and corrupt) than that. Not saying there isn't a problem, but singling out pro sports isn't fair when Wal-Mart sucks your local tax dollars up like a cheap whore 24 hours per day, 7 days per week, even on holidays.

    Andrew – FICA taxes are irrelevant to the question because that's an "isolated" fund. Yea, yea, the government borrows against it, etc., but the money itself is not designated to abortions or any other teabagger cause du jour.

    Desargues – The middle class pays the most. $50,000 hasn't been middle class in a long time.

  • "…many of whom are unafraid of rolling up their pants and wading boldly into Lake Retarded."

    Thanks, ed. Cleaning coffee off my keyboard *again*…

  • Parrotlover77 — You're giving me a variation of the Goldman Sachs defense? You see a lot of weeping over Wal Mart store relocations?

    My point isn't that pro sports teams are a special category of tax stealing super evil. Simply put, pro sports teams have a unique form of leverage and refusing to allow them to use that leverage is distinct from whining about Wal Mart stealing tax revenue, etc.

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