CRAIGSLIST UBER ALLES

Posted on | by Ed

Craigslist is a scary place, and this post to the Milwaukee CL (entitled "TO "PHISH" PEOPLE AT ALPINE VALLEY THIS WEEKENED") has to be the greatest thing I have ever seen in the genre. In part:

I HAVE LIVED OFF OF COUNTY HWY D NEAR ALPINE VALLEY FOR THE PAST 24 YEARS AND OFTEN FEEL THE RESIDUAL NEGATIVE EFFECTS OF THE CONCERTS. NEVER HAVE I HAD AN INCIDENT SUCH AS THE ONE THAT OCCURRED ON SATURDY NIGHT (JUN. 20) FOLLOWING A "PHISH" MUSICAL.

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OUR DOG WOKE US AT 1:30 AM MAKING A RUCKUS. WE HAVE A SMALL WARMING HOUSE NEAR THE EDGE OF THE HIGHWAY THAT I BUILT FOR OUR DAUGHTERS (NOW GROWN) TO WAIT FOR THE SCHOOLBUSES IN.
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THE LIGHT IN IT WAS ON AND SOMEONE WAS INSIDE. I PUT ON CLOTHES AND APPROACHED AND FOUND HIM DEFECATING ON THE FLOOR.
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HAD HAIR LOOKED LIKE A DOORMAT. EYES WERE BUGGY LIKE I REMEMBER ON MEN IN VIETNAM. I HAD A SHOTGUN AND TOLD HIM HE WAS GOING TO CLEAN UP THE DEFECATE.

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BUT I AM OLD (71 NOW) AND MADE A MISTAKE, RETURNING TO THE HOUSE TO GET A HOSE AND BUCKET. HE RAN IN THE DIRECTION OF THE INTERSTATE AND I DIDNOT FOLLOW.

So this is what it has come to in America. Or at least Milwaukee.

6 thoughts on “CRAIGSLIST UBER ALLES”

  • odnamrA says:

    The second part of the post is even better.

    "Also a glass thing" is probably the most poetic line written in America since Walt Whitman.

  • BK says:

    I have been to Alpine Valley for many shows (had to sleep in the parking lot with a broken radiator hose on an 84 VW Golf once, in fact)…

    There's no way on Earth that this was the most egregious violation of that man's warming shed… he just doesn't know about the other ones, which is probably just as well.

  • Misterben says:

    Death to Phish fans, quite frankly. And to all latter-day wanna-be hippies, pretenders to a movement that isn't theirs. "Ooh, I'm stoned all the time and I don't bathe, aren't I interesting?" Nope.

  • jp says:

    "HAD HAIR LOOKED LIKE A DOORMAT. EYES WERE BUGGY LIKE I REMEMBER ON MEN IN VIETNAM. "

    What we call a wookie. Or "extra-crunchy." Too funny.

  • David Recine says:

    Aw, someone flagged and removed the post.

    Ed, did yous ave the whole thing? Can you post it in the comments field?

    I'm now holding out for "Phish: The Musical".

Comments are closed.