Mike: My Last Will and Testament

Hi all. I'm sneaking back on here (shh!
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) to pimp my new blog No Arts No Letters. Ginandtacos is officially like Three's Company – it has a spinoff site, and this page will be every bit as good as The Roepers. Right now classes are a bitch, so I'll be posting in direct positive proportion to how much work I have to do at any given moment, and how much I want to procrastinate.

I also have to announce that I am declaring myself a winner in an age-old contest Ed and I have been waging. For a long time we've been trying to outdo each other with ideas for absurd wills. It's one of the oldest cliches in books/movies/tv – The Suprise Will! A will that involves a night in a haunted house, leaving a funeral home to a wayward son, taking control of the team if you win the Denslow Cup, etc. etc.

Ed has usually won this contest, thinking of far more absurd and ridiculous requirements to be announced at the reading. But now I have him beat. (Warning: it gets geeky here).

Someone recently told me that there is this company that will take your cremated remains and turn them into jewelry. Yes, you read that correctly. You can get a necklace, a keepsake or a gem created out of the ashes of a loved one who has passed away.
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At the reading of my will it will be announced that my remains have been turn into a ring (if this can't be done, a gem on a ring), and that this ring must be carried to an active volcano and destroyed by being thrown into said volcano. A certain Andy S. from Chicago, an old roommate and even bigger LOTR fan than myself, has already agreed to carry the ring around his neck. If we get really old before I pass away (potentially not likely), his nephew will be allowed to carry the burden.

The rest of my life may now become dedicated to making enough money to make this as absurd as possible.

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I'll have to hire people who will travel with him. I'll also need to pay one member to go nuts and, after failing to convince Andy to take the ring to Iraq (or whatever battleground is the latest in the War on Terror), try to steal The Mike Ring. This will cause Andy to disband the fellowship. I'll need to find some sort of junkie to stalk Andy as he walks to the volcano. And I'll also need to purchase a large spider, and pay handlers in advance to put it near the base of the volcano.

This may or may not surprise you, but I am about excited as humanly possible to get going on this plan. Ed, can you beat this Last Will and Testament?

Allright, hope to see some of you over at the new place, or perhaps on a rss feeder.

ONE-UPSMANSHIP

It's time for another audience participation No Politics Friday ™.

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My last band practice featured a heated* debate regarding the infamous Britney Spears performance at an MTV award show this week. Video of it can be found here (although Viacom is deleting YouTube videos approximately as fast as users can add them, so the link may not last.

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Just search 2007 VMA.) I strenuously argued, prior to having seen it, that it could not possibly top the 2002 Guns 'n Roses MTV performance in which a fat, cornrowed Axl Rose subjected the world to 5 screeching, off-pitch minutes of his art.

After seeing the Spears video, I see no reason to back down. Watching her lip-sync and look like crap is really nothing new.

Note to American men: if you have any Britney-based masturbation fantasies you want to indulge, I'd do it soon if I were you. In another few years her ass is going to resemble the rear of an AMC Gremlin in both size and shape. Axl wins. Or loses. Actually, we all lose just for having watched this.

Anyway, now it's your turn to nominate – with linked videos, please – the most appalling, embarassing live performance by an artist who is at least moderately well-known.

I don't watch a lot of TV and I don't pay attention to things like MTV video awards, so there is probably a lot that I am missing. Correct me.

*It wasn't heated at all, but it's inherently pleasing to describe an argument as "heated" in prose.