I haven't done a Halloween costume more than a handful of times in my life but when I do, I prefer to do it right. I didn't go for Total Historical Accuracy or anything – you can, for example, get authentic 1850s pants and a shirt, but they're expensive so I went with basic modern equivalents in the correct color and close enough style.
Step 1. Grow a giant beard (Step 0.5 is "Be Eastern European, or possibly Italian.
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")
Step 2. Carve said beard into sideburns down to the jawline and a handlebar mustache
Step 3. Brown cotton or twill pants
Step 4. Natural henley-type shirt. Cut or rip off the elastic at the wrist. Open the neck.
Step 5. Either make leather knife holsters for a belt or, if you're basically talentless like me, use leather shoelaces to hang butcher-type items from a belt.
Step 6. Be realistic about the fact that no matter how cool it might look, you probably can't walk around outside or in any kind of business establishment brandishing a real meat cleaver and knife.
Step 7. Make a red/white/blue sash either by dyeing a white cotton strip or sewing together colored fabrics
Step 8. Make or buy the appropriate cap. This was the hardest thing to find. I eventually bought an aviator style cap ("Snoopy cap"). Either cut off the chin strap or pin them up inside the lining of the cap.
Step 9. Tie a leather strip around the cap at the brow.
This keeps it in place and tight against the head.
Step 10. Use tall brown leather work-type boots, pant legs tucked in.
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If you're willing to spend insane amounts of money you can get vintage knee-high types.
Step 11. The vest. I had a lot of problems with the vest. Ultimately I bought one, although given time and a sewing machine I think the best option would be to make one to fit your torso. As it was, I safety pinned the vest to eliminate some of the billow and extra material.
Step 12. Ask the Christian Lord to guide your hand against Roman popery. Yell at people a lot.
Tim H. says:
If you came to the door on Halloween in that you likely had most of the candy to yourself.
Mo says:
Perfect.
the leader of the New York City gang Bowery Boys, a bare-knuckle boxer, and a leader of the Know Nothing political movement.
Way more imagination than the cheapass Whiny Sullivan Operative from Texas who thought of getting more use out of his suit by applying a flag pin and a gunshot wound (to his head, presumably, because ya wouldn't wanna mess up that Mens Wearhouse number) and calling it a JFK costume.
Only he didn't follow through, because there are no people in Alaska.
I wanted to do JFK (Suit, flag pin, gunshot wound), but it's way too cold to wear a suit. Plus, there aren't really any people around here so unfortunately I don't think I'll get to do anything.
–Republican Politico
Where are those damned slacker wolves when you need someone to get chased down and et?
Skipper says:
I wore my normal everyday clothes and went as a Serial Killer. Every time there's a serial killer, they interview the neighbors and the neighbors always say, "He was a normal looking guy, didn't cause any trouble, kept to himself." That's me. Serial Killer.
wmd says:
I just went with fake blood from eyes and ears, fake vomit on shirt and went as an ebola patient. had to keep applying fake blood which led to a lof of red food coloring on the shirt.
bretharp says:
this is a good blog. plenty of the fun personal stuff to counterbalance the inevitable depressing political stuff. hope you keep it up forever, ed.
Dave Dell says:
Bill the Butcher. One of my favorite movie characters. Loved the scene where he takes the boning blade and goes "tink, tink, tink" with its tip against his glass eye.
AL says:
Just a point of clarification on step 6. If you're in an open carry state, you can go for the real meat cleaver.
mothra says:
Hey there, Ed. You make a pretty attractive psychopath…
cackalacka says:
Interesting. I was Daniel Plainview three or four Halloweens ago. Much simpler costume.
Skepticalist says:
I have to say that you did a great job. What kind of "candy" were you looking for?
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Elusis says:
On your next vacation, you should go to NYC and to the bar The Dead Rabbit.
http://www.deadrabbitnyc.com/
Wear your get-up. Maybe the bartender will buy your first round.