THE PERFECT WIFE

Posted on | by Ed

Late comedy night on Tuesday, so this will have to be brief. Thankfully someone already said 99% of what I want to say about this, so I will simply direct you to this discussion of how sad-creepy-terrifying Callista Gingrich is. She is in many ways the ideal Republican woman – silent, dressed like a funeral home director, and her face frozen into a frightening rictus.
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Callista Gingrich definitely looks like she's trying to be a proper Republican candidate's wife. She has the frozen devoted spouse gaze down pat.

She shops from the Serious Candidate's Wife clothing catalog, all clothes tasteful and designed not to call to much attention away from her husband.

She unfortunately still needs to work on a genuine smile, but with Republicans, it's not that big priority.
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But all may not be well with this cultivated persona, as this clip suggests.

When asked by a reporter what he was giving up for Lent, the hefty Newt admitted sheepishly that he was giving up sweets. Perfunctorily, the reporter asked the same of Callista. Her response had just a tinge of bitterness to it: "My opinion".

Yikes. Anyone want to guess what precipitated that response? Whatever it was, it's clear that for many in the GOP, that's the definition of a perfect Republican wife.

She most definitely has the Laura Bush "silent and obedient" thing down pat. Overall you really have to question the sanity of any woman who would become Mrs. Newt Gingrich and especially Mrs. Newt Gingrich #3. Part of me wants to pity her but the rest of me remembers that she did this to herself. Regardless, she offers all of us a glimpse into the twisted Republican Utopia, the ideal America in which the women are silent, the men do the talking, and the poor and colored folk Know Their Place.

26 thoughts on “THE PERFECT WIFE”

  • HoosierPoli says:

    I do hope I'm not treading on the forbidden "sexist language" we discussed yesterday, but Callista Gingrich and Cindy McCain both belong in the "Bitchface Hall of Fame".

    The Bitchface, for the uninitiated, is a face that manages to project hate and contempt even while smiling.

  • xynzee says:

    Given the topics of discussion over the past two days, I have to say that the choice of topic is a little inapprope.

    As an aspiring comedian Ed, you should know, timing is everything.

  • c u n d gulag says:

    Her hairdo looks like it was modeled on stealth plane technology.
    I bet if she could fly by herself, without a plane, she'd never register on any radar.

    And I'd say she's had a very, very long Lent. It's been going on since she first decided she wanted to see what Newt had to offer with his trou and boxers down around his ankles – and what she gave up was her "dignity."

    Callista Gingrich and Cindy McCain are the ultimate "Stepford Wives."

  • Major Kong says:

    I can't say anything bad about her. I suspect being married to Newt is more than sufficient punishment.

  • Anonymouse says:

    I think this topic is plenty appropriate. It's obvious how the Republicans want women–ALL women–to be; plastic, emotionless, obedient drones without any messy opinions or beliefs or inconvenient wants or needs. Callista epitomizes this. Rush Limbaugh (who made up lies and went on a multi-day tirade to air his lies) and Patricia Heaton (who jumped in to pile on with the lies) make this perfectly clear.

  • Number Three says:

    As an old married guy myself, I think Callista epitomizes the fate of all married women. Newt wooed her, and he seemed like a real prize–at the time. Maybe he even was. But as the years of their marriage wear on, she realizes that even though he still buys his bullshit, she doesn't. He keeps getting older, not better. He says the same things, over and over again, like these things just occurred to him. She's heard all of his stories before.

    The only person more bored with his job is her–she has to hear about it, even though the story is always the same–everyone else is a moron. She wonders whether his work colleagues tell the same story, but about him, at their houses.

    At night, he snores. As for marital relations, she's not that excited at the prospect. His body, flabby and gray, grows hair in strange places. She would rather not see him undressed. And yet, she is married to him. That means something, right? So she puts up with it. As best she can.

  • JohnR says:

    @garry: Let's just pretend that #3 hasn't just told us a little more about his marriage than he might have wanted.
    @ Major K: You're very generous; personally, I don't particularly care about how any of us chooses our road to Hell, but she is doing her level best to force others to travel that road with her through her considered support for Newt and the GOP. I give her the same level of revulsion that I give to any other Republican/spouse. In this case, I suspect her face is the image of her soul.

  • Hazy Davy says:

    When I was a kid, I had this teddy bear with a bell in one ear ("Jingles" was its name, though I'm pretty sure I didn't choose the name any more than I chose the bear.) I'd sleep with Jingles. But he just stared with his eyes wide open, all night. A toy needs a purpose, though, and I was fulfilling that purpose—I provided dependency.

    Over time, his fur wore off, and he looked more mangy than cuddly.
    And as I grew up, I didn't need the security of Jingles. I wasn't as afraid of being alone, even at night. I no longer valued the way adults looked at me when I held a stuffed animal.

    Regardless of why Jingles ended up with me, it was clear that I "kept" Jingles for a few, simple reasons: he was cute. He kept me from being alone. He helped me to not be afraid. I liked the way people saw me, with him.

    But when I grew up, I needed those benefits a lot less, so into storage he went [where, by the way, he was partially consumed by vermin…]

    This has absolutely nothing to do with how public-personalities treat their "relationship partners". Unless they choose them for physical attractiveness, to avoid being alone, to cover up some fear, or to cultivate an image with some people. Or if they bell them.

  • mass says:

    She's a pretty dim bulb.

    She fucked around for years with a married man. She then married a man who cheats on his wife. And I think it just occured to her that Newt's only ever been all about Newt.

    Every one else has always known that, and we didn't have to blow him.

  • acer says:

    I kind of like Calista now. That was a pretty harsh passive-aggressive burn.

    Newt really is having trouble making everyone do what he wants.

  • mothra says:

    Ah, Calista. Well, she has chosen her bed to lie in. It's not for me to judge her choices, nor the "look" she chooses for herself. I could criticize her opinions, though. If she hadn't give them up…

  • Xecky Gilchrist says:

    Overall you really have to question the sanity of any woman who would become Mrs. Newt Gingrich and especially Mrs. Newt Gingrich #3.

    I imagine there's some attraction to power and the ability to run up a million dollar tab at Tiffany's.

  • graeme murray says:

    i have a prediction and my record is perfect because i've never made one before but i just became an official, gummint-welfare old fart so i can say what i want. you got a problem with that?

    the republican ticket will be santorum-gingrich.

    congratulations on my prescience or whatever the hell that word is should be in the form of 12 packs of a danish strong beer(8%alc.)called faxe.

    no matter what, the usa is doomed ,so drink up suckers and watch the show.

  • Sarah says:

    the republican ticket will be santorum-gingrich.

    That would be awesome. Guarantee an Obama win. And afterwards, I will send Rush Limbaugh a personal handwritten thank you note.

  • Margarita says:

    I won't go as far as acer's comment, but yeah. Callista's little quip is the least sad-creepy-terrifying thing I

  • reflectionephemeral says:

    You know, listening to that clip, I'd say it"s a lot worse than the writeup you link would indicate.

    The reporter asks the question, Newt says "all desserts". Then the reporter starts to ask a new question, but Newt interrupts: "I challenge you to ask her what she's giving up." He's setting Callista up to give that humiliating answer. (And he words the question dickishly, just for good measure; not, "why don't you ask her too," but "I challenge you to ask her".

    I don't usually like to judge public figures; who knows what they're really like when they're not being interviewed. But I am very comfortable in saying that Newt Gingrich is a genuinely terrible human being.

  • Walmarton Friedman says:

    At least Callista doesn't make Newt wear her jeans, unlike Ann Romney. But then again, I suppose that once you get used to wearing funny underpants, it's not so hard to give speeches in Mom jeans.

  • Bernard says:

    yes, Stepford wives!!! Mindless breeders. and Calista being an adulterer, too. throwing stones is so much fun!!!!

    gosh i just love the type of Christianity these women and men exemplify.

    Santorum, Romney,Clinton, such wholesome males our sons can identify with on their way to power and respect. you know. the American way.

    at least dumb looking pefectly coiffured women don't have to speak and prove that both sexes can be so totally android idiots. though, Ann Romney and her endless money, non thinking, kind of destroys the "cover" Calista, Barbara and the rest of the elites' women strive hard to perfect.

    i was so amazed to seee Elliot Sptizer's wife stand by him when he "publiclly" shamed himself on the Democratic alter. Why she didn't attack him in public for being such an ass, if a good one i often wonder about. where is the honor there?
    not that i'd ever see a Republican do the same as Spitzer. here in my wonder state of Louisiana, David Vitter shows how stupid teh Democrats are to admit they have sinned. i do oftern forget that only Republicans are "perfect" and redeemable, having the direct line to God, Jesus and all those things infalliable. you know, above teh concept of personal humility and trust and values.

    those human values are just so alien/not necessary being a Republicans, but maybe in this case women are the real exception, which Calista in her robotic smile/hairstyle exemplifies.

  • Calming Influence says:

    Just a taste:

    Newt looked into the room where Callista had been trying to nap. “I don’t like the sound of that cough,” he said.
    “What cough is that?” Callista replied. At that moment, she felt a cough coming on, but she managed to suppress it, emitting instead an extended beeping sound.
    “It’s just a little cold, Newt,” Callista said. “I feel fine. Look at my hair; it’s still perfectly in place. This couldn’t be anything serious. ”
    “I don’t know about that,” Newt said. “I hear there’s a lot of dengue fever going around.” He walked to the nightstand to get the thermometer.

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