Mark this date, for it is the date upon which this site sinks to the level of mocking a 15 year-old kid. While I am legally required to remind readers that neither Ginandtacos.com nor its parent company, Nordyne Defense Dynamics, accept legal responsibility for the views expressed by the author, I'm pretty sure you will feel morally justified in mocking this kid too.
So, this is real. He was 13 when the book was released:
Well, he has one of the foundational aspects of being a wingnut pundit down pat: looking like a smug little asswipe on a book jacket. Here he is at the same age addressing CPAC. See how long you can listen to his voice before you want to grab him by the skull and squeeze it like a zit until the horrible noise stops.
There really are only a couple of outcomes for this kid by the time he hits his 20s.
1. He has dropped out of college, survived two or three suicide attempts, and plays bass in a Fear cover band. Whatever royalties are still rolling in from his books go straight to his drug habit. He is photographed doing pint glasses full of blow off of Maggie Gallagher's nude back. Eventually he mainlines a speedball and dies.
2. He is in a psychiatric hospital, and half of the conservative AM radio hosts are in prison, when the scope of the molestation to which Rush and Glenn are regularly subjecting this kid comes to light.
3. In between paid appearances at megachurches around the country, he is hanging around truck stop bathrooms hooking up with guys he meets in chatrooms on adam4adam.
4. He is in prison, having (choose one: murdered an abortion doctor, blown up a Federal courthouse, mailed anthrax to Keith Olbermann).
5. He seamlessly blends into the right wing noise machine, becoming an asshole indistinguishable from any of the other assholes once the "cuteness" and novelty of his age wear off. The Macaulay Culkin of the pundit class, if you will.
Now that I have had some fun at his expense, in all honesty the little information available about this kid just makes me feel sorry for him. Between the homeschooling, the self-hating Jews-turned-Fundamentalist Christians parents, and the supplemental education at "The Classical School, which teaches from a Christian Biblical perspective," it is pretty clear that this kid didn't have much of a chance. He probably showed considerable intellectual gifts early on and rather than nurturing them, his parents chose to brainwash him. That's what is so creepy about the video clip, as is the case with all precocious "stage children." He looks programmed. You can teach a monkey to do a trick and it will perform on cue, but that doesn't mean it knows what it's doing or why.
Daniel says:
This kid is one Red Bull hat away from being a total frat boy.
waldo says:
He sounds fairly intelligent, despite his material. Maybe he'll grow out of his programming and political childishness and contribute something worthwhile.
Maren says:
Does he look like the oldest Tenenbaum kid or what?
2th&nayle says:
I made to t+1.43 before my gag threshold kicked in. Heaven help this kid.
Aslan Maskhadov says:
Motherfucker has a disease named after him.
Prudence says:
Crohn's is spelt with a c, but this kid certainly makes my bowel cramp.
With any luck, the post-pubescent desire to get laid and not been seen as a weenie for the rest of his born natural will drive him to try reefer and lefty girls/boys and discover salvation. Or at least make him loosen that tie to let more blood to his brain.
But you know, this is conservatism, and by that I mean they cease to intellectually mature at around 13. Physically they continue to develop, but growing beyond the "me, me, me" stage is not always possible if you believe, well, anything Ayn Rand wrote.
John Danley says:
Lil' turd on a "key" mission. It's a mutated Kermit.
Liz says:
Oh, Ed, he lives in Duluth. Let's go talk some sense into him.
Desargues says:
Outcome (1) is likely only if he has a shred of soul left in him; (2) would only happen in a just country; (4) is what followers do, not leaders — but this kid wants to make it big; (5) is not an open slot, unless Tucker Carlson dies or retires; I go with (3).
Desargues says:
And rest easy: this kid needs mocking. Call it tough love, if you will. (I just hope he hasn't been introduced to tough love already by his 'youth pastor.')
Brandon says:
No Politics Friday?
Pan Sapiens says:
6) Five years, several estrogen shots, and a breast implant opertation later, he haunts the Days Inns in the Tri-state area, goes by the name of TS Melinda. Smart money says he's not a Top.
Nordyne Defense Dynamics General Counsel says:
Dear Sir, Please cease and desist from claiming to be a subsidiary of NDD and its affiliates or we will be forced to kidnap you and have Mr. Krohn read to you aloud from his book like that creepy preacher kid from “There Will Be Blood”.
DavidR says:
I was that conservative at his age. I wrote equally smarmy editorials for the "youth talent" section of my hometown's newspaper, and was the darling of local republican, pro-life and fundy gatherings. I was a "gifted kid" turned puppet.
I outgrew it in steady increments after I moved out of my folks' house and became more aware of how the world actually works. After years of slow work, I've converted my parents (who raised me to be what I USED to be in my teens) to leftism. They're anti-war activists now, and they circulate petitions for the public option and an end to torture and indefinite detention for "terror suspects". My dad even writes letters of support to individual prisoners in Gitmo that he feels are innocent, and circulates petitions for their release.
Hopefully this kid can turn the tables the same way, but I think he has less of a chance than I did. He entered conservatism in an era less innocent than the early 90s when I was (sort of) in his shoes. Conservatism's much more of a cult these days, rather than club you can opt out of with little consequence. For personal reasons, it'll be interesting to watch.
OneMadClown says:
He sounds fairly intelligent, despite his material. Maybe he'll grow out of his programming and political childishness and contribute something worthwhile.
I have two words for you friends: Ben Shapiro. The creepy conservative wunderkind schtick has all been done before (with great unintentional hilarity) by the Virgin Ben.
What I've always wondered is, what's the allure*…would any of us want life advice from a 13 year old? Are there any of us on the lefter side of the spectrum clamoring for the political philosophy of some adolescent that I'm simply unaware of, due to living in a cave and being drunk as I am near continuously?
*after Bill Donahue's recent elucidation of his feelings regarding age, perhaps there is a thriving rightwing audience for precocious 13 year old boys.
John says:
Yeah, he's been pretty thoroughly indoctrinated to the standard conservobot system.
1. Respect for the constitution: Making sure it doesn't apply in places where it's inconvenient, AKA gitmo.
2. Respect for life: Except the lives of non-Americans. Those lives can just get bombed right away in the name of Freedom™
3. Less Government: Except in your personal life. Then it's as much government as is needed to ensure you behave like a good little christian regardless of your faith or lack thereof.
4. Personal responsibility: Unless you're responsible for the deaths of thousands of innocent Middle-Easterners, the false imprisonment of American citizens, or other such political inconveniences. Then you're absolved of all that troublesome personal responsibility.
You know, I detest both current political parties equally, as both are guilty of hypocrisy, lies, and spreading propaganda. It's just that I hate Republicans (let's dispense with this "no true scotsman" crap the 'conservatives' put out) far more because they do it all under the false pretenses of Freedom™ and Liberty™ that they have absolutely no intention of supporting. Democrats, at the very least, don't pretend to subscribe to some sort of moral highground.
johnnyboy says:
It will be fun watching this sad case progress. He'll either burn out entirely and end up in one (or more) of your imaginative scenarios ~or~ wake up and totally convert to the left. I vote for the latter (c'mon, he's just a kid) but in both cases, the GOP loses, right?
HoosierPoli says:
"Bring our country back"? What life experience is he basing this on? I'm almost 23 and my country has appreciably changed very little in MY lifetime. Considering 9/11 happened when this kid was in first grade, somehow I doubt his ability to contribute a whole lot to the discussion on how our country lost its way.
DN says:
Well, he has one of the foundational aspects of being a wingnut pundit down pat: looking like a smug little asswipe on a book jacket in a suit.
The suit and/or a bow tie, is an essential part of the look.
rsrott says:
This kid sounds like a well-trained monkey to me. He has been extensively coached in public speaking techniques but doesn't actually SAY anything. Listening to that video (and yes, I listened to the whole thing) was as painful as hearing Sarah Failin speak. The scary & sad part was how the audience was eating this crap up. Makes me so sad for this country…
karen marie says:
There, I fixed it for you.
Nunya says:
This kid needs a sound beating. It's been many years since I hit anyone but I would feel great about smacking this little punk around in front of his home schooled friends.
What a giant douche.
Sarah says:
For further proof of his privileged white upper middle class status, take a gander at the logo on his v-neck sweater in the picture on his wikipedia page; it says "Riverpines Golf." I immediately thought of "Trading Places" and the one scene with the four rich white singing frat-boys just before Dan Aykroyd walks in.
Kevin says:
Wow, Ed.
You're a smart guy with a lot of wit, often razor sharp. There are plenty of adults to mock. I know you're trying to make a point about conservatism in general, but to anyone who's not already inclined to pile on with you and take additional cheap shots (see most of the 23 comments above), this makes you look like a bully.
I usually like the intellectual challenge of your posts, but this is disappointing.
Robert says:
Well, Marjoe Gortner eventually woke up, so this kid has a chance.
That said, I do kinda agree with Kevin. This young man has not really been given a chance to reboot his frontal lobes. If he's still doing this after finishing college, you can let him know that he's the Nordic Dinesh D'Souza.
Until then, maybe just encouraging him to, you know, unbutton a little.
Denise says:
Kevin and Robert,
Did you guys totally disregard the last paragraph Ed wrote? did you even READ the last paragraph at all?
And kids younger than this poor tool of ultra-conservative douchebaggery have been tried as adults in this country – this kid is certainly old enough to be mocked as an adult. Just ask him, I bet he'll proudly tell you so.
beau says:
Yes, the intellectual challenge. And the poo jokes.
Turkler says:
Mother of God. I went to the website, where you can read excerpts from his book… Bad beyond description. Worth a look. His mangling of Plato is appalling.
Mark says:
Kevin and Robert,
Thom Hartmann had Lil' Johnathon on his national radio program (can stream from KPOJ 620 daily) a while back. It was sad. Thom gently asked about the basis behind his canned answers and there was really nothing there. Not a clue. If Lil' John wants to lecture grownups then he needs to be treated like an adult and if he can't take it, too freakin' bad.
1st timer says:
when I hit pause was the 00:27 mark. "The reason why I decided to write this book" with big hand gesture. Also, going with #3..
Chupacavraz says:
That was one of the most disturbing videos I've ever watched. How parents succeed in indoctrinating their children to such a horrendous extent and still manage to sleep at night is beyond me.
Also going with prediction #3.
Nancy Irving says:
I remember being very, very impressed by Ayn Rand's "Anthem," which somebody gave me when I was about (I think) twelve. Certainly the libertarian creed appeals to the adolescent imagination. Most of us do grow out of it.
So yes, there is a chance he'll escape eternal damnation. The chance is less, though, because of the positive reinforcement he is now receiving in the form of attention, flattery and money.
On the other hand, in a few years the attention and other goodies will wane, and he may realize that he can revive his cachet by announcing his conversion to Maoism.
Who knows?
jon says:
This is easily the least-political No Politics Friday, ever. Agreed?
I won't bother telling a teenager how to live his life, as I know futility when I see it. And as much as I long for easy answers to complex problems, I won't be getting them from anywhere. And definitely not from a jazz hands flinging, Corey Haim-futured, young Wayne Newton-like aggravating, wannabe George Will.
comrade x says:
Sometimes I wish I had no pride or conscience. What easier way to make millions of dollars than to whore yourself out to the conservative propaganda machine and pander to the white trash lumpenproletariat?
Mark says:
OT, but Happy World Rat Day!
Hazy Davy says:
Comrade X has an idea. I like money. And I'm not hampered by a name that would give the truth away…
kiki says:
I'm peeing my panties over Jon's "…jazz hands flinging…"
Crazy for Urban Planning says:
While it is sad to tease a 13 year old, for me its more sad that an adult would put a 13 year old on television and promote his thoughts in regard to political ideas like they are important. Additionally, what does it say about these conservative ideals that they look to a 13 year old to speak about them? Does it mean they are all 13?
I wrote my comment before listening to the video – I listened to the video and its all crap. This is the same thing they all say over and over but the one I hate the most is "personal responsibility." Implied within that statement is the nonsense that a person can literally live outside society and we don't need any stinking government or any other institution to live our lives. These people never think of what life would be like without government helping them out. I want all these people to go off the grid, they should make the government quit regulating power companies, farms, stop using public parks, make sure all our restaurants never get inspected by the health department, stop going to the library, swimming in public pools, discontinue zoning laws that preserve the crappy suburbs, and definitely stop getting sick and relying on doctors and nurses.
UEFA Euros 2012 says:
A Chinese Child: "An American is a man with two arms and four wheels."