You have to hand it to Dick Armey. He gets a phenomenal amount of attention from the mainstream media considering that he died in 2002. Or so many of us thought. Nay, wished. But after several lucrative years of consummate Beltway insider status as the top dawg at lobbying titans DLA Piper, Armey has emerged as the unofficial spokesman of the anti-Washington Teabagging movement as the head of the so-totally-grassroots "FreedomWorks" group. That's right, eight term Congressman and multimillionaire lobbyist Dick Armey, leading a populist movement.
Frighteningly, it now appears that he is more convincing as a salt-of-the-earth populist than as a historian. Bear in mind that this guy used to be a professor of economics. He has a Ph.D. and taught at a not-bad university for several years. Keep that in mind. Remember that.
On Monday, Dr. Dick gave a speech at the National Press Club in DC, which is just the sort of thing a regular Joe does. The topic of his ramblings was, as best I can tell, a re-telling of 400 years of American history through the eyes of a Teabagger. As an aperitif he began in 1600 with Jamestown ("Jamestown colony, when it was first founded as a socialist venture, dang near failed with everybody dead and dying in the snow.
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") Yes, it was the typical 16th Century socialism. If it didn't work then, why would it work now? Let us also remember the lesson of the earlier Roanoke Colony, which failed in 1587 because of the capital gains tax.
The eminent historian continued by reprimanding non-Teabaggers (i.e., not "real" Americans) for failing to understand our founding period. At this point you might want to make sure that you are sitting on something that resists stains, because this is about to get pants-shittingly awesome.
"The small-government conservative movement, which includes people who call themselves the tea party patriots and so forth, is about the principles of liberty as embodied in the Constitution, the understanding of which is fleshed out if you read things like the Federalist Papers." The problem with Democrats and other "people here who do not cherish America the way we do is they did not read the Federalist Papers.
buy levofloxacin online meadowcrestdental.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/png/levofloxacin.html no prescription pharmacyWho the heck do these people think they are to try to sit in this town with their audacity and second-guess the greatest genius, most creative genius, in the history of the world?"
The most creative genius in the history of the world? More creative than Beethoven, DaVinci, or Falco? Oh my. But here comes the best part. Apparently one of the Teabaggers submitted a question about how Alexander Hamilton – you know, author of the goddamn Federalist Papers and the Federalist – could be an inspiration for the movement given that he was "widely recognized then and now as an advocate of a strong central government." Good question, albeit a considerable understatement. The man devoted his entire life to a powerful, supreme Federal government.
"Widely regarded by whom? Today's modern ill-informed political science professors? . . . I just doubt that was the case in fact about Hamilton."
OK. Before I go on, I have to disclose my status as a modern, ill-informed political science professor.
Having read the Federalist Papers in their entirety at least a half-dozen times and a few specific papers many times more, it is painfully obvious that Dick Armey has never read the Federalist Papers.
He may in fact have no idea who Alexander Hamilton is.
Another possibility is that he is stupid like a fox. Totally unprepared for a real question – how did this guy get past the screeners anyway? – he quickly read the situation and gave the best answer for the audience at hand. Dick Armey probably knows who Alexander Hamilton is and what the man stood for, but he also knows damn well that not a single person in that audience has read the Federalist Papers or knows anything about Hamilton. So he dismissively recasts Hamilton as a states' rights advocate whose record is distorted by liberal elites. Sounds pretty plausible to the average Teabagger, no?
It's that kind of rapid-fire reaction that makes Dick Armey, Ph.D., in such high demand among the K Street oligarchs who pay handsomely to have him lead their populist revolt. Who said there are no second acts in American life.
J. Dryden says:
My favorite Hamilton line: "Your people, sir, is a great beast!" (I assume he himself was citing Plato, but I defer to your expertise.)
One can only imagine Hamilton watching the tea-party rallies from on high in the Founding Fathers section of Valhalla, and jabbing Jefferson in the ribs, saying, "See?! SEE?! This is precisely what I was talking about! You want *those* people to have a say in how a nation is run? Puh-huh-leeze!"
And then figuring out a way to come back from dead so he can deliver Armey a swift shot in the nutsack.
Loneoak says:
Since you think we want a mixture of academic commentary and dick jokes, I guess I will offer a dick joke: "Dick Army and the Teabaggers" is an ideal band name.
EcoRI says:
You know, the word "Federalist" is right there in the frakking name. Did that not tip him off to the fact that the guy who wrote most of it was maybe, I don't know, a federalist?
daphne says:
yeah, this is a prime case of when "liberty" translates as "taking liberties." with definitions, with the truth, with history, ad nauseum.
Daniel says:
Can these idiots stop pimping the Founding Fathers for one damn week?
The Mad Dreamer says:
You know, calling them the Federalist Papers would clue a literate person into the idea behind them and how they are certainly not libertarian. But then again, we aren't talking about the literate here.
Sometimes I really hate the world. I need some tacos. Have to settle for coffee right now, but tacos for lunch tomorrow.
beau says:
So THIS is why The Teabaggers didn't just call themselves The Dick Army, which would have been just as accurate a description. I was wondering about that.
Matthew says:
I appreciate your taking my suggestion for more Dick jokes so literally. I really do.
Jude says:
It was F. Scott Fitzgerald, as you well know.
But he didn't mean that there weren't any second chances; he meant, rather, that there's nothing between exposition and climax.
And if you can't make a dick joke out of that, you don't have a pulse.
johnnyboy says:
So, what is a Dick, really, after all?
It's a tube of skin and sponge-like gristle with a somewhat-inflatable head that swells and spews out whatever it can.
I can't think of a better definition for the aptly named tool which was speaking to the NPC. But what's really distressing is the fact that NPR probably carried that speech since they normally air their meetings.
mac says:
If ignorance ever goes to $40 a barrel, I want drillin' rights on that man's head. [Molly Ivins on Dick Armey]
displaced Capitalist says:
Rewriting history, one book burning at a time!
Jeffrey Kramer says:
I'm sure Dick Armey would admit that, for all their immense genius, the FF were fallible. They had an unhealthy fetish for habeas corpus, for example.
waldo says:
Cunning as a shithouse rat, Dick A is a fitting accomplice of the head cheese D Cheney and his bumbling sidedolt, smirk.
Their minions eat teh stupid like a shit sandwich, and smile.
Their brutish stupidity reeks of sociopathy, where truth means nothing.
Michael says:
What is going to happen to this country? Really?
Zach says:
Jamestown was a socialist venture? Wasn't the Virginia company one of the earliest examples of a successful corporation?? Jesus Christ. The Tea Baggers deserve to get what they want – no taxes and zero services from the government just so they can get fucked over by their corporate overlords.
Patti says:
Hooray for Dick jokes!
I really needed this post after being subjected to the Glenn Beck show for 30 minutes at the gym. It's nice to see that G. Gordon Liddy has found a Second Act selling Gold to the paranoid.
jazzbumpa says:
I don't know much 'bout Alex Hamilton, but I do know he was quite interested in importing an out-of-work European King to be the King of America, back in the day. Yeah – THAT kind of strong central gummint.
And Dick Armey as leader of the dick army is right up there with honey being rich in B vitamins.
Holy shit, WASF,
JzB
MikeL says:
Thanks for the post, I'm terrible at knowing who or what some of these people are (like Armey), but I'm getting more educated by G&T every day. :)
HoosierPoli says:
Republicans are populist as often as they are fiscally conservative – whenever they're in the minority. They'll be back to "unitary executive" federalism soon enough.
The argument from authority he is making is beneath my dignity to even bother to refute.
comrade x says:
If I may paraphrase Lincoln- " A house retarded and against itself cannot stand."
100 years, tops, for this madhouse.
Oscarbob says:
I once adjudicated a law school mock trial tangentially involving an injury. When the 3rd year student witness was cross examined and the attorney attempted to impeach him by handing him a copy of Gray’s Anatomy of the Human Body, the witness with out missing a beat responded " No one pays any attention to that, it's been completely discredited." I laughed at loud!
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