Late Tuesday evening nominal GOP Chair Michael Steele made the following statement when it became apparent that Bob McConnell would defeat Democrat Creigh Deeds in the Virginia Governor's race:
"(McDonnell's projected victory) is a blow to President Obama and the Democrat Party. It sends a clear signal that voters have had enough of the president's liberal agenda."
This statement reflects Mr. Steele's penchant for understatement. His modesty rounds off some of the sharp edges, but with all due respect there is no point in sugar coating things: from the President's perspective, this is the single greatest defeat in the history of electoral politics. Possibly in the history of the world.
You think this is a mere off-year gubernatorial race. That is because you are a rank amateur in the ways of politics, an idiot, and probably a rapist. When a heavily favored Republican defeats an unknown Democrat for the highest office in America's 12th largest state, a state in which GOP Presidential candidates won every election between 1964 and 2008, it is a sign. It is a clear indicator to all who choose to recognize it that the Democratic Party is, for all intents and purposes, finished. If they choose not to formally disband for shame, a la Mulroney's Tory Party in Canada in 1993, they will be little more than a zombie shuffling aimlessly across the political landscape, its diseased shell poorly covering a rotten core.
To attempt to rally and fight another day is futile for the Democrats. It will embarrass us all to watch them try. When the British huddled on the shores or Normandy in 1940, looking pathetic and waiting in a downpour for ships to ferry them across the Channel with their tails tucked between their legs, the hope that they would return even stronger to crush the Nazi menace was the silver lining. But there is no silver lining here. It's over. The Democrats can no more expect to put up a fight in 2010 than your local high school football squad could expect to beat the New England Patriots.
The choice for the Democrats is not victory or defeat; it is a choice between dignity and humiliation. If they prefer former, President Obama should resign by the end of the week, leaving Joe Biden in a caretaker role until after the 2010 elections – at which point there will be a GOP majority on the order of 98-2 and Biden can safely resign and turn the presidency over to Senate President Pro Tempore Richard Lugar. All incumbent Congressional Democrats should meet on the Capitol steps and commit seppuku tomorrow morning to preserve their Honor. But we know this won't happen; Libtards have no concept of dignity. They will futilely fight on until they are utterly destroyed. It will happen a year from this date.
In a few years the Democratic Party will be remembered no differently, and no more fondly, than the Continental Congress, the League of Nations, or the Washington Senators. It was a good 190 year run, but it ends here. Crushed beneath the weight of a Muslim foreigner president and his neo-Marxist taxes-and-abortion agenda. We have democratic institutions for a reason, and they have spoken. Vox populi has handed down a verdict of the Democratic Party, and that verdict is: Guilty. Guilty of sucking.
Peggy says:
OH MAN WHY AM I IN THE MIDDLE OF FINALS INSTEAD OF DOING A SATIRE UNIT WITH MY AP CLASS?!?!?!?!!?
This may have to reappear there anyway.
"Football squad"… <3!
Hann1bal says:
I'll give the explanations for why Deeds and Corzine lost:
1. Deeds lost because he couldn't draw enough enthusiasm out of Democratic voters.
2. Corzine lost because he was already wildly unpopular. Christie won because he wasn't Corzine. Pure and simple. They could have run a giant pile of shit, and it probably would have won. Oh, wait…
This was not a referendum on Obama. Not by a long shot. And anyway, one data point does not a trend make. Not when the Democrats are still more popular than the Republicans.
Oh, and BTW, TPM says right now that it looks like Dougie Hoffman is going down. Suck on that, teabaggies!
Anyway, screw this, I'm getting back to the Rwandan genocide, a topic that actually interests me.
daphne says:
Sarcasm always was an effective literary device, even if Steele would take this post at face value. Keep 'em coming.
ladiesbane says:
Saving the topic for later, I have to say, your sarcasm is delicious. This particular piece is reminiscent of Brann the Iconoclast. My hat is off to you.
John says:
The sad thing is that this simply continues the evidence, began with NY-23, that the extremist teabaggers are absolutely insane, and cannot be reasoned with. Here, they assert that a Republican winning a Republican district is a sign of national rebellion against Obama. In NY-23, they asserted that their candidate conceding the race to the Democrat — making that district elect its first Democrat since '93 — is somehow a victory for them. That having a Republican district elect a Democrat rather than their candidate is some sign that they're victorious, because nobody wants a moderate… that they just elected… and… oh god, my head hurts.
These people are insane, and possibly dangerous.
J. Dryden says:
Fascinating how much the media (today at least) is reversing itself on its focus. For the past two weeks, NY-23 has been the "national referendum"–the "start of the conservative counter-surge"–and so on. But something came along to disrupt that narrative: the Democrat won. Without Hoffman to become the new smiling face of their narrative, they've collectively decided that the story wasn't *really* about NY-23 ("heh heh, we were just kidding about that"), it was *really* about the gubernatorial races and how *they* indicate the conservative counter-surge. No, really, honest. That's their story, and they're sticking to it…
Brandon says:
Couldn't agree more with J. Dryden. Even NPR this morning was repeating much of the pundits' rhetoric about the national relevance of these gubernatorial elections, while barely mentioning the NY-23 result. I would hate to commit the same sin by overstating the relevance of this one congressional race which probably has little bearing on the national political winds, but that result, in which a district elected a Dem for the first time in what, 150 years (?), seems more symbolic than the gubernatorial races.
Nerf says:
Ugh. I will commence calling Republicans the "Republic Party" and will only stop when they can manage to completely speak a word and call Democrats the "Democratic Party"
Desargues says:
In the Eighties, the Commies used to peddle this very same brand of bullshit. Whenever they would look like closing the gap with the West, it was a sure sign of the impending demise of capitalism. Every new outburst of Western prosperity was decisive evidence that capitalism was entering its final stage, the one before complete dissolution. The Germans in the early Forties were like that, too. Advances into Soviet territory pointed to inevitable victory; stinging defeat at the hands of the Russians was really a 'strategic redeployment.'
Everything is good news for Sarah Palin. Even the fact that the Democrats have yet another vote in the House from NY-23. The imminent advent of conservatism, bitchez!
Desargues says:
This is also good news for John McCain. Also.
J. Dryden says:
@ Desargues – Don't forget the Bush Administration: When there's no violence in Iraq, it's proof that the insurgency is on its last legs. When there *is* violence, it's proof that the insurgents are getting desperate and are on their last legs. I think the same people who drew up that playbook are the ones bragging on a perpetual GOP victory in the face of, shall we say, an uncooperative set of objective facts.
Desargues says:
J Dryden: I'd be happy to concede them victory as long as they take that to mean being the minority party for the next 50 years or so, or as long as it takes to bring this country into the 21st century.
jazzbumpa says:
I'm just disappointed to have read an entire post, plus 12 comments, without once encountering any version of the word "fuck."
This, I believe, signals the impending doom of the Democrat Party.
Which is rather a shame, since I haven't detected much of anything that looks like a liberal agenda. Oh, well.
Cheers!
JzB
Bob Tarzwell says:
Aww, that was satire? That's too bad – I couldn't think of better news unless the Republican party did the same thing the very next day. That'd be twice as nice ;)