Two things to cheer you up on this Goodliest of Fridays:
1. At an academic conference last week I had the pleasure of conversing with a group of grad students from another institution, one of whom I know barely (from previous conferences) and the remainder of whom were strangers. We played the "What's the worst thing you've ever gotten from an undergrad" game. I recounted my standard tale of the young scholar who handed me a research paper about how presidential candidates "fake the funk." Seriously, I believe the title was "Presidential candidates fake the funk." Lest you remain unclear on the student's position on funk-faking, he informed the reader quite clearly, and I do believe repeatedly, that this phenomenon is "straight bullshit."
I have long considered this to be an excellent, amusing anecdote whenever late-night revelry incorporates this topic. I was one-upped, however. Apparently one of the perks of teaching at an elite institution (the particular Ivy League school isn't important and shall remain nameless) is that one's head-smacking moments with undergrads are of a much higher caliber.
The student in question decided to write a paper about the crucifixion of Jesus. Not a historical analysis, but as an excercise in applying game theoretic concepts.
Apparently the student's argument was that when the preferences and choices of all parties involved (the Romans, the Sanhedrin, the masses, etc) are considered, the Romans' decision to carry out the execution rather than pardon Jesus represented a Nash equilibrium.
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The paper title? "The Nashin' of the Christ."
Perhaps you need to be a political scientist to find this funny, but I laughed until multiple organ failure was imminent. That, my friends, is a good zany-things-undergrads-do anecdote.
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2. This exists. I wonder why Americans are getting fatter.
Also available in a "Jalapeno and Cheese" variant.
What in the hell is wrong with people? I mean, holy shit. Aside from the fact that these are the nutritional equivalent of eating a stick of butter, I must imagine that these taste like cleaning the grill at a Cracker Barrel with your tongue.
Note the cheery ad copy: "(Perfect) Even for breakfast!" People, if you are eating Tennessee Pride Sausage Ballstm for breakfast, it might be best for everyone involved if you dropped the charade and simply shot yourself. Eating these things regularly is a passive form of suicide. A cry for help. We're here for you. Put down the Sausage Ballstm and come with us.
Sam says:
Is the "Fake The Funk" title alone worth of headsmacking? Surely, an enterprising student could write a great paper on presidents who did, in fact, "Fake The Funk" regarding campaign promises, or vetoes, or whatever else. As somebody who is prone to thinking the academy is full of ultra-serious people acting ultra-seriously for no other reason than their own feelings of self-importance, students who refuse to take things too seriously seem like they'd be nice to have around.
Of course, I say that as a graduate student leaving school with a Masters instead of a PhD, at least in part because I had this attitude myself.
Misterben says:
What in God's name is that horrifying yellow-orange goo on the right side of the picture on the box? Is that the "Homestyle Tennessee Sausage Ball Dippin' Sauce"? Is it some kind of… I dunno… apricot Jello? With 'bits'?
My Italian-American girlfriend makes meatballs the old-fashioned way, according to a recipe that's been in her family for generations, and they are freaking delicious. Every time we eat them, I wonder if the sort of people who eat Sausage Balls and Hot Pockets are aware that Food You Cook actually Tastes Way Better than Frozen Shit You Microwave.
Michael says:
You will never go to a party in Alabama (especially at Christmas) that someone hasn't brought a plate of homemade sausage balls. My preferred recipe is 1 box of Bisquick, 1 pound of turkey sausage, and 1 pack of shredded cheese. I brown the sausage first and then put it in the Kitchen Aid to blend it with the cheese and Bisquick. I also like my balls large and rough (OK, insert the gay jokes here) instead of small and smoothly rounded, so I just spoon them onto the cookie sheet instead of hand rolling them.
Using pre-made sausage balls is the kind of thing that will get you kicked out of the Ladies Auxillary. That and smoking in public.
Nick says:
Holy Jesus. I eat a lot of terrible food, including large quantities of Hot Pockets, but those things look awful even to me.
Michael says:
They are especially good if you use Garlic & Herb Bisquick. Some people will add a dash of hot sauce, but that's not really my preference.
JohnR says:
I dunno – I still think nothing can top Scrapple for sheer delicious food awfulness. I still ate it for years after learning the details of its ingredients, which tells you a lot about both me and its wonderfulness of taste. It's best with maple syrup. And beer, but everything goes with beer.
ladiesbane says:
"Sausage balls"? Were "meatballs" not Freudian enough for the men of the South?
And I would totally drive a Nash Equilibrium.
Misterben says:
See, now, the recipe Michael describes doesn't sound all bad. I'd like to replace the Bisquick with something else, but otherwise, it's basically doughy meatballs.
So nobody has any idea what the horrific yellow-orange goo is?
Michael says:
Let me get a call in to the Meemaw Hotline and ask what kind of sauce you would serve with sausage balls. My mother-in-law can probably tell me, too.
I personally like my balls plain.
comrade x says:
" … what the horrific yellow- orange goo is?"
Something that first passed through the digestive tract of a possum with radiation poisoning?
Ed says:
Pretty sure it's sweet-and-sour sauce, the cheap corn syrupy kind used at American chinese takeout places.
Samantha says:
Every good southern girl learns to make sausage balls by the time she graduates from high school (insert slack-jawed yokel joke here). Tennessee Pride's version is probably about as close to a "real" sausage ball as Chef Boyardee's ravioli is to its handmade counterpart stuffed with wild mushrooms.
Grace Nearing says:
The Nashin' of the Christ? Okay, the author has to be either one of the Freakonomics team or Nate Silver. Of course, I'm assuming Bill James's age automatically excludes him from consideration.
Spoosmith says:
Sausage balls? NOTHING compared to this:
http://www.thisiswhyyourefat.com
Enjoy. If you can.