I'm going to try an experiment; tell me if you think this will work.
I'm going to the local animal shelter to buy a small puppy.
This is not because I desire the companionship of a pet – I already have one.
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My pet alligator Snappy lives in a pool in the yard. The thing is, Snappy's awful hungry and, well, small mammals do the trick for a crocodilian at mealtime. Since I really enjoy watching living things suffer, I'm going to throw the puppy into Snappy's pool alive.
Then I'll film it with my webcam and post the video on YouTube so all the other degenerates in the world can vicariously enjoy the spectacle.
What do you think? I don't see any problems here.
The reality is that if I adopted or purchased a dog for this purpose – and shared my Canine Snuff Film with the internet – I'd be explaining myself to a judge in short order. I would deserve the felony animal cruelty conviction I'd receive. Yet people do this every day with snakes and small mammals. I won't dignify the YouTube videos with links.
I am widely recognized as a bastard, about as warm and cuddly as a hungry wolverine holding a hand grenade, but there are two things in this world that turn me into a sentimental blob of happy: my sister's kids and pet Fancy Rats. Specifically, Liz's five rats. I greeted her decision to acquire them with great horror several years ago, but they quickly conquered all of my preconceived ideas. They are fabulous pets. I feel about them like you feel about your cat or dog. In fact they are like tiny dogs – full of personality, fun, always playing games – only considerably more intelligent.
For some reason we consider it socially acceptable to sell certain live animals for people to take home and stage their own gladitorial spectacles with other, larger animals. Well, there's no difference in me feeding your cat to an alligator and you feeding my rat to a snake.
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Yes, pet reptiles need to eat. That is why pet stores sell prepared rats who live to adulthood, are painlessly euthanized, and are frozen for storage. The snake doesn't care. Honest. This is why every single reputable reptile breeder, pet store, and pet-snake-lovers' community on Earth insists on frozen food. Aside from the base cruelty of throwing an animal in a small cage with its predator, live feeding is dangerous for snakes (a cornered adult rat can seriously fuck up or even kill a snake). Try joining an online group of reptile owners and asking where you can find live rats to feed Mr. Slithers. They will treat you like the idiot you are.
I understand your urge to put mousetraps in your garage and attic to keep the pests away. I don't expect that we can ever talk the world out of that even though it is unnecessary. Killing rodents for entertainment and disregarding the safety of your pet reptile at the same time is across the line, though. I'm not a person who readily adopts "causes" but I think I am ready to cast my lot with a movement against live animal feeding. You might think this is remarkably stupid. Nevertheless, I'm comfortable digging my heels in on this one unless and until you're ready to let me satiate Snappy's hunger with your cat – and watch the video.
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David Recine says:
Ed—
Very good post. I've actually had pet rats AND pet snakes and couldn't agree more. The sad thing is that back in my hometown, the ONLY live rats you can buy at most pet stores are "feeder" rats. They're spindly and shaky and clearly have spent their whole lives badly neglected. Every ones in a while, they'll be in a cage next to "fancy rats" which are the exact same thing, only healthy and cared for. No frozen rats that I know of. But you can even feed a snake hamburger or raw eggs for Gods' sakes.
beau says:
why stop at the cat? i say feed the feeders to snappy. then post the video.
Shane says:
Mr. Slithers…..excellent! (And as someone who grew up raising guinea pigs, which are really just rats with a lifetime of bad hair days, I agree with the post.)
BK says:
Ed – I'm not sure I agree with you on this one completely.
For one, mice and other rodents are known vectors for disease. Setting traps in your house to eliminate them not only saves you the time and hassle of cleaning up their droppings and urine in your house, it is the responsible thing to do from a health standpoint, especially if you have children.
Two, torture is torture is torture.
If we are going to concern ourselves with the uncomfortable last moments of a rat that has been fed to a snake because we believe the rat has some understanding of what is going on around it then why not the same for pigs and cows?
I wonder if this is less about the rats and more about not understanding or downright rejecting the preverse pleasures that some people have in watching rat snuff films.
Personally, if a rat messes up a snake I would get that little guy a cape with a big S on it and start breeding him…
Liz says:
BK, I think that Ed's argument is based on the fact that there is absolutely no nutritional or quality of life difference for the snake (in fact, the euthanized and frozen rat is less likely to be carrying diseases that could cause problems) between a dead rat and a live one. There is a discernible nutritional and taste difference between a cow and tofu, so there is a decision to be made for people beyond "do I want to enjoy the spectacle of watching something die."
BK says:
Liz –
But that's not what he said at any point in the piece. In fact he said, "The snake doesn't care. Honest."
If we're going to get into a debate about what people and animals care about then someone had better show me beyond a shadow of doubt that the rat that is painlessly euthanized is better-off than the one that is live-fed to a snake.
To my knowledge we can't demonstrate that animals are cognizant of their own death beyond the chemical process of adenaline rush, fight-or-flight.
Why then are we protecting the animals from something they're not cognizant of unless we're trying to elevate their status in our society or make something that somebody else does for pleasure taboo or illegal?
If that's the case when do we start calling for an end to ant traps? Bee and hornet sprays? Anti-microbial and bacterial soap? Where does our enlightenment become hypocisy because of the lines we draw?
Except I do believe the rat that douche bag Tom Greene put in his mouth in Raod Trip should be allowed to live out its days doing what ever it is rats like to do best…
ladiesbane says:
I'm just weighing in to cheer for snakes and rats both, and draw some of my own lines. Animals are not moral/ethical creatures and are not "bad" for being carnivores; any way an animal feeds itself in the wild is its best chance at survival. Humans ARE moral/ethical creatures, and the ones who cause suffering for their own amusement are showing sociopathic traits. We can feed our pets humanely.
The differences between pests and pets are simple, and not based on breed. Just as I kept my rats (15 albinos) clean, safe, and fed, I would try to exterminate rats in the barn — they damage property, wreck/consume produce, and spread disease. I would do so as humanely as possible, because tormenting animals is deplorable. But I'm not going to sacrifice my work, my produce, my health, and my livestock's health so that wild rats can breed more wild rats.
Without kicking up dust, I believe the questions regarding how far down the food chain to protect animals is relevant to some ethical issues regarding abortion. A non-sentient growth in my body goes from being a zygote to a separate being that temporarily uses me as a life support system and incubator. It's hard to make a universal rule on the last day a pregnancy can be terminated. When does the blob become a fetus, and when does the fetus become a baby? Some babies are born wide awake and making eye contact, and others are closed-eyed grubs that didn't seem to bake long enough. I'm pro-choice, but where should we say, Nope, beyond that point it shouldn't be done.
Hey, let's ask Sarah Palin if she knows what a zygote is! But be careful: a heavy period is homicide if it comes as a relief to the bleeder.
j says:
I can't believe we've started an ethical debate about torture of rats. Human beings are tortured in this world every day. I would ascribe at least 10000000-fold more import to that problem, therefore you should put that much more time and effort into stopping human torture. So instead of posting about animals here, you should be posting on your Representative's website about the importance of closing Guantanamo. Although it is no longer NPF at that point.
In fact, I'll take my own advice and do it now. Hello Anna Eshoo!
beau says:
aw c'mon, j. i think ed's earned the right to rant about what ever. we'd all read his shopping list if he posted it.
J. Dryden says:
Beau, I always assumed the title of the blog *was* Ed's shopping list.
Nate says:
J. Dryden – I think the first time I met Ed in person was at a delicious (and now defunct) Mexican restaurant in Bloomington called Tortilla Flat. There was gin and tacos to be had.
Brandon says:
j – I find it ironic that you are critical of other posters for wasting their time discussing something so inconsequential, yet you yourself apparently had nothing better to do besides write a fairly lengthy post lecturing everybody else. Heck, why should anybody care about the prisoners in Guantanamo when our climate is changing so rapidly? You should be writing your rep about global warming instead of worrying about these prisoners. For that matter, I find it difficult to get too worked up about humanity's fate, considering that the earth will be devoured by an enlarged sun in about 10 billion years.
Ed says:
Let's just say I reject the implication that writing a letter to my Congressman is a more productive use of my time, attention, or energy.
David says:
blah blah blah moral equivalence.
animal farm reference.
dog-fighting innuendo, leading to attempted humor that ultimately fails.
trolling about the amount of rodents killed to harvest grain, and (ultimately successful) joke about a farmer that attaches a camera to his threshing tractor and makes millions selling "snuff" films.
link to the painfully disturbing video PETA gathered from the pig farm.
attempt to tie this to mainstream politics by distinguishing between "pro choice", "pro birth", and "pro entertainment". WWE reference.
Life and death are complicated. But I have to agree that imposing a forced capital punishment (one that is inherently "cruel") on any living thing (a rat, a dog, a person) is terrible. Perhaps the answer is that carnivores should not be kept as pets. [I honestly don't know, but I'm certain that won't "fly"].
ladiesbane says:
Is a cat eating a mouse "forced capital punishment"? There is no crime, and no punishment. Carnivorousness is not immoral. A cat cannot live on grass. Why decline to keep carnivores as pets?
"Terrible" is an opinion, and it's not mine. I think cruelty is terrible; humane killing is neither cruel nor terrible — again, my opinion. I do think anyone who eats meat, or wears leather, should be prepared to swing the maul or switch to the vegetarian option. Likewise, people who are not prepared to kill rodents had better learn to love mouse droppings in their bread, rice, corn, and Cheerios.
Ed says:
The point isn't about carnivorousness. It's about the insistence on feeding live animals to other live animals when frozen/prepared ones will achieve the same ends.
ladiesbane says:
It was David's comment that baffled me, not your post, Ed. Truly, I wasn't trying to tie this to mainstream politics, other than to deny exemption of humans from the logic equation. "Men are not potatoes", but not keeping carnivorous pets because of "forced capital punishment" to feed them does not follow.
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