ONE-UPSMANSHIP

Posted on | by Ed

It's time for another audience participation No Politics Friday ™.

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My last band practice featured a heated* debate regarding the infamous Britney Spears performance at an MTV award show this week. Video of it can be found here (although Viacom is deleting YouTube videos approximately as fast as users can add them, so the link may not last.

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Just search 2007 VMA.) I strenuously argued, prior to having seen it, that it could not possibly top the 2002 Guns 'n Roses MTV performance in which a fat, cornrowed Axl Rose subjected the world to 5 screeching, off-pitch minutes of his art.

After seeing the Spears video, I see no reason to back down. Watching her lip-sync and look like crap is really nothing new.

Note to American men: if you have any Britney-based masturbation fantasies you want to indulge, I'd do it soon if I were you. In another few years her ass is going to resemble the rear of an AMC Gremlin in both size and shape. Axl wins. Or loses. Actually, we all lose just for having watched this.

Anyway, now it's your turn to nominate – with linked videos, please – the most appalling, embarassing live performance by an artist who is at least moderately well-known.

I don't watch a lot of TV and I don't pay attention to things like MTV video awards, so there is probably a lot that I am missing. Correct me.

*It wasn't heated at all, but it's inherently pleasing to describe an argument as "heated" in prose.

11 thoughts on “ONE-UPSMANSHIP”

  • peggy says:

    MY MIND IS BLOWN BY THIS RICK ASTLEY VIDEO.

    Other than that, can I nominate any Ryan Adams concert ever given? The man is such a fucking asshat in person, it's ridiculous. He hates it when fans sing along, so he arbitrarily changes the tempos to stop them when they try, except that then the songs are fucked up and seriously, you hate your fans and you hate it when people like your music? GET ANOTHER JOB. Argh.

  • JDryden says:

    I realize that I'll be disqualified for not having a link to this–sorry, I'm at work and have to budget my screw-off time–but it seems to me that this is a gimme: the footage of Milli Vanilli and the infamous 'skip'. I mean, how many other performers actually panic and run off-stage, then descend, as a direct result of their on-stage disaster, into a spiral that ends in a suicidal overdose? Beat *that*, all you pretenders.

  • -h says:

    Okay, since nobody else has jumped on it yet, I'll make mention of the Milli, and of course, the Vanilli…

    This isn't footage of the infamous performance, but it may be even funnier: Anybody remember the Rebate Lawsuit?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VL6OJBXqeZE

    With that out of the way, I do remember seeing some really really really bad live performances by Nirvana… (pitch? what's pitch?)

    This one's actually not bad, but I think the old 'bass to the head' still qualifies it as a disasterous live performance:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5VBa7B3jHMo

  • -h says:

    Wow, a nearly simultaneous Milli Vanilli post. How often does that happen?

    (p.s., that Brian Rick Astley video is f'in great)

  • Christina says:

    I can't top any of these. Y'all have already mentioned all the worst ones I can think of, and I actually saw Milli Vanilli in concert. (Hey! I was being a good friend and went with a roommate who had tickets. I didn't actually pay for them.)

    I have to say, though, that the Britney hate? C'mon. What does the size of her ass (and I wish my ass and/or abs looked that good and most guys I know would hit that without a problem—all the het ones certainly would) have to do with the fact that her performance sucked? And is it incumbent upon a woman who has birthed two children to make sure her body remains in the most-favored fuckable state for American men?

    So, her performance sucked–she was too drunk and/or stoned to lip-synch?? Seriously, that's really bad. But how she looks hasn't a thing to do with it.

  • Ed says:

    Well, Christina, you have quite a few things going for you besides your ass. Ms. Spears, having no talent whatsoever, has basically obtained fame as eye-candy. Her target audience – stupid people and young boys – are not the kind who are going to cut her any slack before they lose interest.

    And lastly, my comment was based on the idea that what we're seeing now is merely the opening stanza of an impending decade of ass growth. No, she doesn't look "bad" now, but I'm getting the distinct impression that the situation is going to get ugly soon.

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