A (very) loose acquaintance chided me for being an alarmist yesterday. I expressed outrage over the revelation that a B-52 laden with nuclear weapons (which the Air Force admits it lost) flew its cargo a few thousand miles over the American mainland. The individual lectured me on the exceptionally slight odds of any harm resulting from such an act.
Ten years ago, I probably would have punched him. Instead I punched him with facts.
Believe it or not, accidents and near-misses involving nuclear weapons are not just the stuff of bad John Travolta movies. Why, one might even get a little nervous upon realizing just how many American nuclear weapons are lying around and waiting to be discovered by eager treasure hunters. There's one immediately off the coast of Savannah, GA. Another sits in a roped-off and completely unguarded patch of land near Goldsboro, NC. And in the Puget Sound just outside Seattle since 1959. If you're overseas, there's one very near the Japanese Ryukyu Islands. Palomares, Spain is still crackling with radioactivity thanks to four lost hydrogen bombs nearly 50 years ago (two of which helpfully exploded and showered the area in plutonium). And there are a couple more somewhere in the Mediterranean – we don't even really know where! – from a bomber that disappeared without a trace in 1956. Come to think of it, the list of nuclear weapons lost, unaccounted for, or involved in accidents over land is about as long as my arm. I could go on and on, but you can read. From Thule, Greenland to Hardinsburg, KY, the tangible legacy of incompetence is everywhere.
Just think. That long, long list covers only the incidents they've actually revealed to the public (it mysteriously peters out in the late 1960s). So in reality there are probably many more. Given that we can safely assume that the Soviets had at least as many "mishaps," the enterprising terrorist wouldn't have to spend much time online to scout some nice treasure-hunting locales. Oh, and don't forget France and the UK, both of which tote large nuclear arsenals about in accident-prone submarines. But why bother searching for bombs in the ocean when the Soviets left Siberia littered with unguarded, nuclear-powered lighthouses in which they've long since lost interest in maintaining? If terrorists discover the science of winter coats, there's fissile material a'plenty up north! Fortunately there are no Muslim terrorists in Russia today. I think.
So if you're wondering how in the hell the military "lost" 6 hydrogen bombs, rest assured it happens all the time. Given that they actually found these, in the comparative light of history this week's incident looks like a stunning display of competence.
Matthew says:
But you forget, Ed, that Christian Slater is on the case to track these bombs down and disarm them or blow them up in a copper mine, and even find the time to kick ex-football players and current football announcers out of trains in the process.
So we're totally safe, forever.