I'm bored to death with far right-wing social conservatives turning out to be closet queers, wife beaters, drunks, pedophiles, or adulterers. It's so damn predictable. If you haven't quite figured it out yet, please realize one thing: anyone that far to the right is hiding something. Period.
So apparently Ted Haggard, President of the National Association of Evangelicals, likes the gay hookers. And meth. It's nearly impossible for me to summon up the strength to mock him and point out the hypocrisy. Wow, another virulently anti-gay Jerry Falwell knockoff secretly likes the dick. Haven't we heard this before?
Tell me I've been bad
What the fuck is wrong with these people? It's like they can't get it up unless they think that whatever sex act they're about to consummate is going to condemn them to hell.
"Hey congregation! Gay marriage is a sick, perverse sin!" (*Oooh, I'm a dirty dog. Tell me I'm a bad boy….*)
"Be sure to vote Republican, folks!" (*Oooh, I'm a nasty liar…you better punish me, Mr. Gay Hooker*)
"Marriage is between a man and a woman! Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!" (*Mmmmm, I love it when you make me lick your balls*)
Something tells me that in about 20 years, christian fundamentalism is going to be considered a fetish rather than a religion. It's obviously less an interpretation of the Bible than it is a precondition to its adherents getting hard.