Yes, we all know that super stores in the United States are some of the most surreal places known to man. Nearly everyone I know used to go to Meijer (midwestern superstore) ages ago with no shopping agenda, just to pass some time in awe and wonderment at the fact that they could literally buy anything.
However, with the recent growth of super Walmarts and the whatnot, the novelty has sort of worn off.
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Well, these stores couldn't let that happen could they? There is no way that they could just let our interest in their mind numbing absurdity wane.
It recently came to my attention that in Boise Idaho…..
a couple was married in a Walmart!
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You are desperately hoping that someone is playing a horrible joke on you. However, in the words of the bride:
"It never dawned on me to have it anyplace else."
Yes clearly what they were actually thinking is that all of their friends and relatives are lazy and cheap. They were going to put off buying a wedding gift until the absolute last minute, and they desperately wanted a bargain.
Speaking of bargains, some people choose to start their married life at Walmart while others apparently would like to end theirs at…
Costco's Universal Casket Department?
There is little room left to make fun of this. We stepped into this story a bit late, every news source in the country has already made all the relevant jokes- particularly those in Chicago where the market is being tested. One of my favorite was when WLS radio personality Roe Conn asked the question: "when are they going to go on sale? Perhaps around the holiday season?"
Some sources are skeptical that Costco can actually successfully break into the casket business:
"Third-party suppliers have been around for a while now," said Walkinshaw. "Costco is pricing caskets at $800, but many funeral homes offer caskets for much less than that amount. I don't think this will change the landscape of the market."
Yeah, so anyway, America’s superstores, for all your marriage and death needs.
mike says:
Remember that half the fun of wasting time at Meijer was the fact that it was open 24hrs. So when it was 4am, and you didn't want to study anymore….Meijer!
eep says:
I agree with Mike. The fun of Meijer was going at 2 a.m. and seeing half of your dorm or apartment complex there as well. I've spent many an hour wandering the aisles of the toy department, squeezing Teletubby toys when I should have been studying. Or sleeping. Ah, good times.
And that Costco selling caskets (Caskcos?) is right by my parents' house. They're actually members there, and I'm almost curious enough to ask them to take me, just so I can stare at the casket display and gape. It's so morbid and wrong, it's almost funny.
Ed says:
Costco: the Alpha and Omega.
mike says:
My personal favorite Wal-Mart stat (everyone has one): Because of the immensity of the operation and the high rate of turnover for the shitty jobs, the company has to hire 1,600 people _a day_ to stay at it's current size.
1,600 people/day. 600,000 people/year. Hooray for turnover!
erik says:
Yes, Meijer was a good time. It is kind of surreal to think about. A retail store basically turned into an amusement park for bored college students late at night. It would be interesting to find out if students are still doing this.
eep says:
From what I hear from my coworker's son (who goes to school in Iowa), yes, Meijer is still the happening place for college kids that it once was. At least there's something you can rely on in the world.
mike says:
hey uofi undergrads (tim and stacey, among others) – we are looking in your directions. Do the kids these days still wander Meijer aimlessly? Or are there other worthwhile ways to spend the hours of 2am-4am on a weekday?
Liz says:
I used to work at a Meijer. We could be fired for talking to union organizers and weren't allowed to refer to customers as anything other than "guests."
Also, one time the Musak got stuck on a loop of "I'm Your Lady" by Celine Dion for four hours.
Definitely the worst job I've ever had. And I've worked as a housekeeper in a privately-run hotel next to a hospital.
erik says:
Yes, well, I assume it would suck. Suck on levels that few people have ever actually experienced. Oddly enough though, that does not decrease the enjoyment or nostalgia related to going there for no apparent reason around 4 in the am.