Your Boss
Littlebitchness: 10
Sightings: Offices
Quotes: "Yeah, I'm going to need you to come in on Saturday."
Notes: The only little bitch you need fear, since he does hold power over you. Best bet is to dodge him at every turn (long lunches, early dismissals, frequent bathroom breaks). Remember, in most cases, he too has a boss, so go over his head and get his ass in trouble any chance you get.
Male Models
Littlebitchness: 9
Sightings: Parties, Gap Commericals, Magazine Ads
Quotes: "Hmmm, which picture do you think I better in?" "Hey you want to come over and check out my new haircut?"
Notes: There are a couple things you have to understand about the male model. First he is almost categorically exceptionally stupid. Second he has deluded himself into thinking that everyone worships him. This is a dangerous combination. Essentially it means that there is little to no chance you are going to get him to stop being a little bitch. In fact, it often means that even but the most biting insults will be construed as compliments and worship by this little bitch.
Since this little bitch will under no circumstances think that the person talking to him does not think he is god's gift to earth, your best bet is to start off by telling him "things you have heard people saying about him." For example, "I heard some people talking about how outdated your frosted tips look" or "did you know some people have said that you were fat in high school."
Now you have endeared yourself to the little bitch, it is time to move in for the kill. Since you will never be able to convince him that you don't like him, just try to annoy him. Your bet bet is to make disparaging comments about his taste in cloths. Start with, "I hope you didn't pay more than 15 dollars for that shirt.
" (it was no doubt several hundred and straight out of the maxim fashion section) Reply with: "Oh jesus (contrived shock) well, I don't know I guess some people go in for that type of thing." (he will no doubt be confused and attempting to reconcile this with his world view.
Now deliver the final blow by impling that you know something he doesn't about cloths that simultaneously insults him again. Try: "You know if you like that shirt, I think they have a lot just like it at Sears."
Guys who Are Sad in Front of Women
Littlebitchness: 8
Sightings: Anywhere there are girls present, especially girls by themselves.
Quotes: "She says that I should try to see other people" "It's not that she doesn't like me, it's that she's going through a rough time right now and doesn't want to see anybody." "Girls always want to date pricks, why can't they like nice guys."
Notes: I know in your heart, your first instinct is to take pity on these pathetic creatures. We have all been down on our luck with women before. However, this is most certainly not the proper recourse. In fairness their pathetic nature is probably designed not only to get pity sex from women but to get you to be friends with him. Do not fall into this trap! If you do, you will be at his apartment listening to Dashboard Confessionals albums before you know it.
There are two ways to defeat this little bitch. The first is to confront him head on. Explain to him that women want nothing to do with him because he is an amazingly little tiny bitch. This will not cause him to not be a little bitch, but it will result in him moving on to someone who will listen to him whine endlessly about that girl in his math class that looked at him once. The second and far more subtle defense is to pawn him off on the nearest "little bitch who defines his life by the books he claims to have read." These little bitches are always looking for worshipers, and the "sad around women" little bitch serves this purpose perfectly.
Guys trying to hit on women too hard
Littlebitchness: 9
Sightings: Bars, Frat Row
Quotes: "Hey, hey, introduce me to her." "You want a cigarette?" "Yeah so my name's blah blah blah, and blah blah blah blah blah…."
Notes: Watching these guys for an evening can be a very depressing event. To see a man continously be turned down by every woman he hits on, each more dowdy than the last, can make a person sick to their stomach.
buy benicar generic buy benicar online over the counter
However, do not fear, you look nothing like this man when you hit on women.
If you are a girl reading this page, your best bet is to completely ignore these guys. Don't ask them for cigarettes, don't give them any attention in any way.
One of the easiest ways to spot this man is if he is wearing a dragon shirt. Erik Martin tells the legend of the men who wears dragon shirts – these are normal-to-slightly-below-normal guys who got girlfriends somehow. Suddenly, he somehow gets himself a girlfriend. After a few months of regular sex and going out, he feels confident about himself. Too confident unfortunately, and decides that he can do better than his current girlfriend. So he dumps her and heads out to the clubs. There he realizes that his confidence was overstated and women ignore him as before.
Desperate to impress women he runs out and buys a dumb shirt, usually with a dragon on it. Be warned.
Guy Who Will Only Drink Girl Drinks
Littlebitchness: 7
Sightings: Small parties, gatherings
Quotes: "It's too bad that the waitress couldn't get us that pitcher of Amaretto Sour" – Actual quote overheard from employees at G-Mart Comic Shop, Champaign, Il.
Comic Book Guy
Littlebitchness: 6
Sightings: Comic book stores, toy stores, Conventions
Quotes: "Rogue is extremely more attractive than Witchblade, especially during the Jim Lee run on X-Men." "This is not a library, you may not just read the comics."
Notes: While they seem harmless, few men in their 20s/30s are more hate-filled and bitter towards humanity than the Comic Book Guy. Memorizing huge amounts of trivia inbetween masturbating to BattleChaser comics, they will never miss an opportunity to try to make you feel dumb for not knowing as much about military history, comic-book crossovers, Japanese swords, and whatever else they've read. Easiest solution: Ask them the last time they went on a date. Works every time……
That Guy who defines his life by the books he claims to have read
Littlebitchness: 9
Sightings: coffeehouses, classrooms, friendster-profiles.
Quotes: "It's extremely maudlin of you to say all that." "I am a philosophy/literature major." "I should know, because my brother is named after Stephen Dedalus." "You know, Nietzsche and Marx had a lot of the same ideas."
Notes: I sometimes wonder what would happen if Friedrich Nietzsche was to rise from the grave this very instance. What do you think he would be more upset by: His sister re-editing his journals and throwing fascist statements everywhere? The Nazis hijacking his message in an attempt for world domination and ethic genocide? Or the number of sad, sophomore-level philosophy majors mis-quoting him in an attempt to get laid by girls in coffeehouses?
Considering the little-bitchness of the third example (also considering the man was a closeted fascist if there every was one) ginandtacos.com guess is the last. Hence this category. The problem is usually a problem of perception. We have nothing against philosophy majors per se (one of the ginandtacos.com editors was a philosophy major until the bitter end), and druken philosophical debate is fine and good. The problem occurs when these people don't realize that nobody is interested in what they are talking about. You get the sense that these people think that they are doing you a favor by lecturing to you about something random and then acting surprised when you don't know (or care) about it.
Guy who tries and dances wilds at the indie rock show.
Littlebitchness: 8
Sightings: Concerts
Quotes: "Whoo-hooo!"
Notes: Listen. You don't have any rhythm. That's ok. Being white and into indie-rock places you into the remedial level of being able to dance. And the fact that you can't dance worth crap means you'll like the stylings indie-rock (the obvious "which came first" debate will be saved for another day). The problem is when you try and "bust a move" during the show you are attending. You should be smarter than this. The venue is too small, and smoke filled. You think by rushing into people and jumping high enough you'll get people to join in. The only "joining in" that will happen is the ass-kicking you'll recieve outside the venue. Just stop.
Guys trying to hit on women too hard
Littlebitchness: 9
Sightings: Bars, Frat Row
Quotes: "Hey, hey, introduce me to her." "You want a cigarette?" "That's funny you mention that because I was just in India – hold on let me draw you a map on this napkin"
Notes: Watching these guys for an evening can be a very depressing event. To see a man continously be turned down by every woman he hits on, each more dowdy than the last, can make a person sick to their stomach. However, do not fear, you look nothing like this man when you hit on women. If you are a girl reading this page, your best bet is to completely ignore these guys. Don't ask them for cigarettes, don't give them any attention in any way.
One of the easiest ways to spot this man is noticing if he is wearing a dragon shirt. Erik Martin tells the legend of the men who wears dragon shirts – these are normal-to-slightly-below-normal guys who got girlfriends somehow. Suddenly, he somehow gets himself a girlfriend. After a few months of regular sex and going out, he feels confident about himself. Too confident unfortunately, and decides that he can do better than his current girlfriend. So he dumps her and heads out to the clubs. There he realizes that his confidence was overstated and women ignore him as before.
Desperate to impress women he runs out and buys a dumb shirt intended to impress the women, They usually have a dragon on it.